Songs of Home

so my friend Erin did this a few days ago on her blog and if I actually kept up with this I'd know how to link to her there but I don't. I'll figure it out one day.

Ok so the game is name some songs that remind you of home and tell why.

1. Earl had to Die- Dixie Chicks: not only does it have the classic twangs of country music, I vividly remember belting this song at every particular moment one year at Disciple Now. As soon as this song starts or even upon hearing the name, I am instantly taken back to all of us sitting in my living room at that D'now singing this song. I believe this was also the same year we convinced my parents to let us wrestle.

2. Don't take the Girl - Tim McGraw: I realize that most country songs will remind me of home and growing up considering I grew up in small town Texas where we only listened to country music for awhile. But this song was my favorite when I was younger, I'm pretty sure I still remember every word. And I can see myself sitting in the back of my mom's Buick sing it, and then asking my parents to rewind it and start it over. George Strait's "Check Yes or NO" has the same affect on me.

3. Don't run to the TV- I don't know the actual name of this song or any part other than one verse. But this song or I guess these lyrics instantly take me back to sitting in the choir room at FBC Canyon with Dan the Man. The lyrics i remember incase you are wondering are: "don't run to the TV it doesn't love you, it doesn't know you from a hole in the ground. There's a hole in your heart, there's a hurt in your self. You just need Jesus like everyone else." Inspiring right?

4. I saw the Sign- Ace of Base: I can remember many a dances we made up while listening to this song.

5. Lean on Me- in the recent episode of Glee where they sang this song, I totally had a flashback to "SHOW KIDS" and was in the choir room at Oscar Hinger/on the square in those purple shirts singing away.

6. Bye, Bye, Bye - N'sync and Mmmbop - Hanson: totally take me back to junior high. I loved boy bands.

7. Anything Spice Girls, takes me back to "uptown girls" in 5th grade and early Junior high

8. Ironic - Alanis Morrisette: I'm sitting in Mrs. Kuhlman's class. I totally associate most of Alanis with junior high, I remember loving "hand in my pocket" too. And the "Bitch song" as we called it, takes me back to junior high Tennis.

9. New Kids on the Block: I loved them, I had the sleeping back and all. I remember my cousins had this fisher price "band" thing. We would all take our places and most of the time we were singing a New kids song.

10. Caedmon's Call: I can't remember the song but there is one song that is still on my computer and when it comes up in the shuffle I am taken back the the streets of Canyon. With the no trees and lots of dirt and the Braums.

now its your turn...

when everything seems to be going wrong

Right now I live with a family that I babysit for, they are very gracious in allowing me to basically be part of the family. They are going through a season of struggles right now, and its good that I can be here to help but also hard to watch. I mean, I'm 23, I'm just figuring out the struggles of "real life" and how to live a life with out school, and be a responsible member of the adult world.

Today I was reminded while talking with the mom of this family what life is like in a season of struggles. I'm an optimist, so even while I am struggling with a whole lot going on in my life, I still naturally look for all that is good and right in the world and choose to focus on that rather than all the negative around me. So its hard for me to see people struggling with things that life throws at them and have the right understanding to help them through it. Today the best I could come up with this as this mom is just stressing about one thing after the other, was that as soon as you let one little (or huge) thing stress you out and you don't bounce up ready for the next thing, you start to feel like you'll never get up like things will never be right again. Because as you slowly get up from a fall something else can hit you before you ever fully recover, and then something else and something else. So it just feels like you can't win and you begin to feel defeat. However, if you'd just hopped right up the first time, no matter how hard it may seem, you'll be on your feet ready for the next one and it won't feel like it hit as quickly.

Maybe this doesn't even make sense, but I just picture this guy (he's a stick figure) and he is running on a I guess its a track I'm not sure though. Anyways, he's running and he sees a hurtle, but by the time he gets to the hurtle, its taller than he thought it would be and he doesn't make it over. Well instead of getting straight up and continuing on, to find out what is next. He takes his time and kinda crawls a little before getting up and walking and then starting to run again. Only by the time he starts running again, a lot of time has passed but he can't seem to stop thinking about this hurtle that he missed. And then he's not looking where he's going and he falls in a hole. (this is a very dangerous kind of track thing in my head.) So now he's lying in a hole going, what is going on, and again taking his time to crawl out. Well as he gets his hands to the top to get out, a rock falls and knocks him back down. He finally gets out of the hole and he runs into a tree, and so on and so on. And his path just seems to be the only one with all these obstacles on it, I mean he looks at the other people running and he doesn't see them having a problem. He doesn't know that bob 5 lanes over, ran into a tree while he was trying to get out of his hole. He seems to think the world is against him and totally for everyone else. But maybe if he'd just gotten straight up from that first hurtle, and stopped worrying about it he would have seen the hole and then seen the tree. Its worth a shot at least.

can't you see its not a race

Most nights when I get home, I sit down for a few minutes and wonder where my day has gone. When I woke up that morning I thought I was going to have some free time to read, or catch up on tv shows I've missed through out the week, or even do my laundry. I mean I work PT at a photography studio, but that's only been happening this week, and I babysit... but where on earth is the rest of my time going.

I mean I'd like to say I spend it doing something awesome but I really have no idea. I think part of this has to do with my extroverted-ness... If I'm going to do something to fill my time, especially in this state of my life where things are so chaotic, its going to be something where I'm surrounded by people.

Enough of that, lets do a quick recap like update of Tiffany's life...

1. I just got a job at a photography studio, we do preschool and daycare school photos. As well as dance schools and maybe teams... I don't really know about that. I still am not 100% sure what I do, or if I'm even going to like it... but its a job for now.

2. I babysit a whole lot. I can look at my calendar for next week right now and see 1 babysitting job but by the end of next week, I will have babysat at least 5 of the 7 days in the week. I am so Thankful that God provides jobs and I randomly keep surviving. I guess it gives a little reassurance that at least for now, I am doing the right thing. It helps with the whole I quit my full-time job and haven't found a new one maybe I shouldn't have quit thoughts.

3. A kid I love dearly, most likely he's my favorite kid on the planet (for sure top 5), had brain surgery last week. He is doing incredibly well and is the bravest kid I know. This whole brain surgery thing was a little much for me at first considering how much I love this kid... but also because just a month before his surgery another kid I babysit had brain surgery. What are the odds that extremely empathetic Tiffany would have 2 kids going through MAJOR brain surgeries within a month of each other? So this has been a very emotional few weeks, as I try to understand or at least as God what he was trying to teach me with both of these children going through this. Maybe I'm figuring a few things out, we'll still have to see.

4. I live with a family I babysit for, since my bestie had to go off and get married on me. ;) At first I thought I was moving away from b'ham, now I kind of feel like God's not done with me here, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do next. I am very thankful for the family that is letting me live with them and be a part of their family.

5. Some times living with other people makes your life a little complicated. Like right now, I'm actually staying with another family I babysit for because the original family has some extended family in town for the weekend. Again, so thankful for my network here. Also, its really cold in the 'ham... I did not keep enough warm clothes or shoes... I think I wear my "boots with the fur" almost every day. Hopefully soon, I will see my schedule at least getting enough consistency that I can get an apt or figure out what I'm supposed to be doing next.

6. There might be a new person in my life... we're still figuring out how we feel about him. ;)

I really do wish I updated this more, I just forget and blogging is such an alone act... I mean I barely keep up with all the blogs I follow these days. One day I will get better, I am trying... but no promises. ;)

Kool-aid

Well, folks as I continue in this thing we call a job search I've learned a few things....

- although in my head right now I think that I am fully qualified for a lot of jobs and would love them and succeed in them... when I start reading job descriptions online for jobs I hear this voice in my head that is my former employer saying that I am not qualified, I will never get those jobs, and I might as well just see if maybe McDonalds will take me because that's all I've got left as an option.

- I also am incredibly nervous to end up working for a crappy organization like I did the last time. Maybe I'm being too cautions... I used to be an optimist, but right now I feel very pessimistic about every organization I look at.

- I think I drank the Kool-aid for an organization, that I never thought I would. But the problem with falling in love with an organization, or job is when you don't get it. It's hard. And let me just say, being in the final 2 inconsideration for the job doesn't help too much with this process.

-I really and honestly don't know where I want to be right now, or what I want to be doing. There are just so many options that its overwhelming and I have a hard time even answering that question when people ask.

- I might be too honest of a person of normal job interviews. I want to tell the truth and be respected for doing so. Instead, I've been taught/trained to give them the answers they want to hear and figure out the rest later.

- I had an interview on Friday, most unconventional interview I've ever had... I think I liked it that way. Problem is it was so casual and un-normal for me that I don't really know how to tell people how it went or if I will get hired from it. (good think I've got somebody on the inside ;) )

- One of my best friends is getting married in 19 days ... I can't believe it. I also have to find a new place to live in 19 days, and have some kind of a plan of what I'm doing in life... no pressure on me.

-With that wedding in 19 days, we have dresses we have to wear in the wedding, we still don't have them... I'm a little nervous. What if the dress doesn't fit someone, or alterations have to happen... I haven't been able to think about much else since I realized this. I'm terrified, mine isn't going to fit me.

what just happened

this weekend I decided to turn in my two weeks notice, and that I wasn't going to live in the apartment I am currently living in anymore. I have no idea where I am going to work, or live when my time is up. I'll figure all that out as I go, I have things and places to get me by. But I don't really know what is next. I'm kinda terrified, but I know this is the right decision. (well I think I do)

I prepare how I'm going to quite, and I am ready. I walk into work today, my plan was to clock in, sign in, go through staff meeting and then turn in my two weeks notice as I walked out to get in the van. I had it all rehearsed. And here's what really happened, I get to work, I walk in, I walk past the case manager's office and she says, "Tiffany after you clock in we're going to meet with Mr. Phil" (not to be confused with Dr. Phil). I say "Oh Crap" to myself and look at Brandon the other Street Outreach person (SOR), he knows nothing. I clock in, and we all hop in the van and speed off to Alabaster. Oh did I mention Shawn didn't come to work today... yeah.

We come out of the meeting being told we had different hours, and a few other things. I told them I was planning to quit, but I didn't know how this meeting was going to affect my quitting.

I now have to decide how that meeting affects my quitting. I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter. I don't think anything will change. except that if I continue this job, I won't see my friends ever... and I have to give up every regular babysitting job I have... which is a huge part of my income. Basically I do know exactly how it affects my decision but it doesn't mean I'm not still freaked out about how HUGE the decisions I made this weekend really are.

the clock keeps ticking

- I don't like that I've been Debbie Downer on Adulthood for the past few months.

- Time keeps going by and I keep not being sure what exactly I'm doing. I think doors are opening but as I move toward them or inside is there going to be a door slammed in my face. We shall see.

- I got an amazing phone call last week, that lead to an incredible interview, for my dream job. At least for now dream job. So we are playing the waiting game and learning yet again about patience one of life's hardest lessons I'm convinced.

- I've been really busy. I don't really know where all my "spare time" went but I would like just a little bit of it back. I do like being busy, it just doesn't leave much time for thinking about life decisions. (however this is good with the waiting game I'm playing currently)

- I have had some really encouraging conversations with people around me and in my life. They have made me even more thankful to know them and aware of how blessed I am.

- I went home to Texas, and I liked it. I loved being able to see all of the people in that community that have helped to raise me and shape me into who I am. I loved seeing the children, who's lives I got to shape and the fact that they remembered me was the icing on the cake. I met some new great people, that I would love to be able to sit and talk with. Which makes me wonder if a move to Texas and slightly closer to home would be good for me.

- I have been overcome by a strong desire and perhaps need to get myself out of this country again soon. To be back in Europe, and to be seeing and experiencing new things.

- And for the funny story of the day, My supervisor called me today and told me he needed me to go to "Sweet Daddy's". I didn't know what sweet daddy's was but he told me the part of town and my first reaction of this place is shady I think I'm already uncomfortable was becoming stronger. Then as he explains how to get there he tells me about a giant pig sign and says, "Sweet Daddy's" the BBQ joint is right past that. I was only mildly less concerned because who would eat at a place called "Sweet Daddy's"

Adulthood

ok so I know I've only been an official adult for about 6 months, but I would like to make a few statements about adulthood.

1. Adulthood is HARD. No one tells you how hard it is. There are decisions, that could alter the rest of your life, and you don't have any security when you make them.

2. As a single adult, it sounds great that you can go anywhere or do whatever. But it also is scary and some times it'd be nice to have someone to help you make your decision.

3. Life is filled with drama, we can't escape it. But I have to say, in my short 6 month experience I'd like to say I think the drama is worse as an adult than any other time. Maybe that is because you can blame it on being young or something before.

Also, this is a big decision but I think I'm looking to move back to Texas... my top cities are

San Antonio and Austin

then Houston and Dallas area.

If anyone knows people in these areas or lives there and has ideas of places I can send my resume and such to that'd be awesome. The people in these areas might be what freaks me out the most, so there it is.

I'm sure there is more to come. When I figure more out....

You can never go home again

Today I went to the place I've avoided for 2 months because I knew I would fee like I did. I stood in the place that I learned so much about myself, life, love, and God. A place I call home, I felt home as soon as I pull in. A place where I met my friends, which became my family here. A community that surrounded me for 4 years and love me, and taught me so much, and was so much to me. This place was Samford.

I mean obviously life goes on, I knew that I was leaving Samford and would continue to grow and evolve and thrive. I knew that I would grow and evolve, and thrive out in the real world. However that first time you go home after you've left. To place you love, to a place you feel so comfortable so right. Where so much in your life happened. And you realize for real that you've left SUCKS. You realize the community that you adore and were a part of has changed and so have you.

It is all a part of growing up. That doesn't mean I have to like it. ;)

My how the time flies

Time seems to fly, when your growing up. Lately I've been walking down the path of adulthood, at more of a run than a walk. I suppose that is how the first miles go though. Yesterday, I got my insurance card... its strange to have an insurance card with my name on it instead of my parent's. I drove the "Hope Mobile" today for the first time. Woo Hoo, I love driving in a giant van down the tiny, packed streets of downtown Birmingham. Lovely.

Tomorrow, at 5:30 I will be working at an awesome event called Project Homeless Connect. A lot of work has been put into this day, every organization in the Birmingham area will be present, as well as people to cut hair, doctors, dentists and even the DMV to help skip some steps and get people IDs. Its going to be huge. I hope to see some of the women I worked with during my internship as well as lots of my current clients.

One of my favorite clients that I was getting to know very well and enjoying the days he showed up was picked up by the cops and is now in jail... for a long time. I knew when he got out of our van on Wednesday he was going to do something stupid. I knew it! But that doesn't mean we didn't have one of the best conversations right before he got out of the van. I have learned not to ask a lot of questions to let my clients lead the conversations and if I'm listening I will pick up what is going on with their lives and how I can help as well as a little bit of insight into their lives. So Wednesday as we drove through the West Side I just let him talk. He showed me where he grew up, where his buddies used to live, where he used to buy weed, where a cop was shot a few months ago... and several other things. This was huge. Not only was showing me where he grew up and allowing me to begin to understand a little more about who he real is; but he was letting me know that he trusts me to know things about his life he hasn't shared with any other staff at the shelter. He was giving me the okay to now ask personal quesitons, to ask about growing up in 'the hood', but to ask about his family and friends, and to probe deeper into the criptic answers he gives us when we ask what he's been up to. ... But he's in jail now, and I probably won't be working in this job when he gets out, depending on how long he's in jail.

The realities of these kids lives are sinking in to me. I'm seeing more of the neighborhoods my clients came from. I've noticed that most people that are homeless have some type of mental disorder. It makes sense, but I hate it.

I want to go to Grad school, but its hard to explain what I want to do, so that I can get the right degree and actually accomplish my dreams.

So its been weeks, and I have had many hilarious stories and things happen to me, and many wonderful things. Yet I haven't taken the time to write them. Some times I forget that I have this, but the idea of writing something down and who knows who is going to read it perhaps no one or perhaps a whole lot of someones is very cleansing and good. I love going back and reading what has happened over the last little bits of my life and the whole idea behind writing the humorous things of my day is to simply be able to remember them and catalog this time I am spending working with street youth.

I am beginning to love my job. I love working with these kids, I'm finding my groove. I'm enjoying the simple tasks I'm given and making them fun and entertaining. I enjoy seeing how simply me taking and leaving our card in a library means some teenager finds it just when they need it and calls the hotline and gets the help they need.

I think I'm in the process of outlining where I want to put my "career" focus. This has been such a hard thing for me, there is so much that I want to do, to experience, so many problems I want to help solve. Its exciting and terrifying all at the same time. And I have no idea where to begin with this new possible focus, but I know if this is what I'm supposed to be doing I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be for it. As things become more clear to me, I will reveal my thoughts and ideas. For now know that the light bulb may have finally come on inside my head and I am bubbling with enthusiasm to see how this chapter of my life (which is only just beginning) will unfold.

A few days ago I was sitting at the bus station and an old man, who was drunk, came up to me and proclaimed that Obama was a black man, And a President the world was in a good place. Then we walked off, and ran into the glass wall on his way out. I did very well not to laugh until I got into our van.

Its hard for me to watch kids with so much of their lives ahead of them wasting their time with drugs. But they've been smoking weed since they were 10... they aren't stopping now, not at 19 its not that easy. But I see them killing themselves and I want to shake them and push them out of this vicious cycle of poverty. If they do have kids and they continue with their lives as they are their kids will be in the exact same place they are now, and so will their grand-kids. And I don't see how the cycle ends. Its such an uphill battle for them, and the hill is steep, and hard to climb with no clear map. Their whole lives is such a foreign concept to me, they have seen and experience so much that I can't even imagine. I walk away from work every day thankful for the life I've been given, the education I've had, and the people surrounding me. I could have been born into poverty, but I wasn't and I'm thankful for that. And because of that I will spend my life doing what I can for those that have been born into a life of poverty.

there is never a dull moment when working with people

I'm coming to learn that there is truly never a dull moment when working with people, especially homeless and "street" youth. I confessed last time that I'm working on controlling myself and my dancing... I am proud to say that apple bottom jeans came on the radio yesterday and I contained myself very nicely.

I hope that I daily have a funny story and hopefully many success stories along the way. Today's story happened when we were transporting a few of our clients to the place they are staying currently. These guys have been joking with me for the past 2 weeks and introducing me to many new songs and telling me stories about themselves. All but one of them, he usually is passed out (sleeping) on the couch most of the day until its time to go. This young man, he's one of my favorites because he is usually so incredibly stoned that it takes him a minute to respond to anything you say to him, some times he just smiles and says "yeah" and nods his head as a response probably because he doesn't know what is going on, and he has a grill. He's really funny to interact with probably because he's always 'on' something. Today as he and his friends loaded onto the van he asked me if I preferred 'dark meat or white meat'. Now I am smarter than the average female that is new to working with youth on the street. So I knew he was not referring to actual meat. I have been blessed with the gift to think on my feet and I didn't want to actually answer the question so, I decided to see how long it would take him to realize what I was saying. As I mentioned above this kid has a grill so when he says 'dark' it sounds like "dog". So I begin to use the word 'Dog' and say that, 'No I don't like dog meat, you're crazy if you eat dog meat, etc'. Blah, blah, blah. 3 minutes later he still has not caught on and is trying to continue using the word meat thinking I don't know what 'meat' he is talking about. He is getting more and more convinced that this conversation is hilarious and that I don't have a clue. It was probably one of the funniest 5 minutes of my week. As he was getting out of the van one of the other people in the van finally caught on and announced the 'word confusion' to everyone. So I'm sure this will continue tomorrow. As he got out of the van he just smiled and said you're so funny, I'll see you tomorrow. Apparently that's the most he's talked to any of the Outreach workers (that's my job/team), about something other than what he needs for us to do for him and those are usually short conversations as well.

Don't blink or life will pass you by

It seems that life has been moving at the speed of light lately.

We've had some drama with the local gas company and our apartment complex which has meant that we haven't had heat or hot water for a week. Might I mention that it snowed this weekend. I can't get warm, ever. I'm currently sitting in front of a space heater.

I started my job yesterday. I still don't know what to think or if I'm going to enjoy this. I still have yet to do anything. I've sat and read articles, and a book about what I'll be doing, and case files, and I've observed what happens in the day shelter but have yet to do my job. I have met a lot of our clients and I LOVE it. it reaffirms that I want to do social work, however the law interest is also being reaffirmed because the only way I can make real change in a large number of people is working with policies and in Family Law.

I do have to wear a large T-shirt for my job, every day ... its a giant blue shirt. I am already frustrated by this t-shirt. (if you don't know this I absolutely HATE t-shirts, especially if they are too big). Part of how I express my sass is through what I'm wearing, so this is going to be even more of a challenge than I thought it was going to be.

I got an iPhone, it was my pick-me-up this weekend when I was shivering and thinking I was going to be a Popsicle by the end of the weekend. I love it. It is amazing. I already feel like there are things that are much smoother simply because I have my email on me at all times. Its strange. I think it will also be good considering my strange hours I'm going to be working. It is beautiful and in a pretty pink case and I'm still working on a name for it.

For the past two days as I sat in the shelter and read, and observed how things work, I have been introduced to so many "jams" and the sentence, "you heard this one miss tiff?" is constantly being yelled at me. I'm praying to Jesus that Apple Bottom Jeans doesn't come on at any point, I can't control myself when that song comes on, I just have to dance. I will obviously greatly embarrass myself if I do.

And now I'm off to make big kid decisions about health insurance and the like... weird. and I need to bum a shower off someone.

This is what I learned about at work today.... Enjoy. I wonder what else I'm "too young" to know about. 

New things

Lots of things are happening in my life, lots of new things. And now I shall bullet/list because I like that better right now. 

1. I miss being challenged to write out my thoughts in paper form and be critiqued by someone incredibly knowledgeable about the topic... aka college. I loved writing and I miss it. This might be where I do a lot of that

2. I have my first BIG GIRL JOB! Its such a weird thing. I'm ecstatic to begin this challenge and see how God uses me in this. I'm also terrified because I have no idea what to expect and have two weeks to just sit around and guess at what I'll be doing. Its going to be a challenging experience but I'm sure that I will learn a whole lot and be a better person for taking it on as well as helping in my way to make the world a better place and make someone's life a little bit better.

3. Stepsing happened this weekend, with out me on the stage. It was hard to watch and not jump on that stage. If you've met me you know my love for Stepsing and trust me, I tried to participate even though I graduated in Dec.  I love it. I have made so many wonderful friends and memories through it. Its a huge part of my Samford experience. 

4.  Being a grown up I think will be much more fun with a real job. Just being able to say I have a real job is making it better. 

5.  I love Jon and Kate plus 8. Right now they are letting the  8 help "paint" the basement. I think one of my dream jobs would be to be their Nanny. 

6.  Brittany my bestie was in town this weekend. It was wonderful. I really miss her being in my life daily.  

7.  I want to start reading more again. I usually don't get to read a whole lot because I'm reading for school, so this whole idea that I can read whatever I want, whenever I want is going to be great. But there is so much to read, I'm a little overwhelmed with where to start. 

8.  I want to go to Europe, I'd get on a plane and leave tomorrow if I could.  

you know that 25 things thing...

1. My favorite color is Pink. bright hot pink, not that disgusting light pink. I've always thought I'd be cool to have a pink car, I'd never do it, but secretly I want one. Pink, bug? ;) 

2. I love to read. I get lost in stories and they are so a part of my real life as I read them. 

3. I have the best friends in the world. I don't know what I would do with out them, or how I ever didn't know them. 

4. There is a giant stuffed Giraffe, named Bongo, sitting beside me right now. 

5. I don't eat red meat, the stuff makes me want to throw up in my mouth. 

6. For a short phase in my life I was tom-boyish. I refused to wear dresses, pink, or anything frilly. My how times have changed. 

7. My dream is to one day live in England. 

8. The travel bug inside of me is biting and needs to be fed. I must get out of the country soon. 

9. I used to have a duck named 'Cuh-cuh'. 'Cuh-cuh had a baby duck named 'Baby Cuh-cuh'. They are still to this day my favorite stuffed animal. Followed closely behind by my giant stuffed pink pig that i used to use as a pillow. 

10. I have a small obsession with Chai Lattes. I just can't help myself. 

11. To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my favorite books. It was also the first "school assigned" book I ever read. Thanks Mrs. Click, I still have my 'foldable'. 

12. All I want to do with my life is help people and love on people. Therefore the question "what do you want to be when you grow up" is really hard for me. 

13. I've always wanted to join the Peace Corps, ever since Jessie talked about it on Saved by the Bell. 

14. I can't remember what life was like before I had a sparkle on my nose. I love it. 

15. Children aged 2.5 to 4 are my favorite age to work with. 

16. I love people, and meeting people. But I have a hard time actually making real friends. 

17. I met 17 of the most amazing people in my life when I boarded a plane for London, England. I never knew how much those 4.5 months would change my life and how much they would mean to me. 

18. It is my dream to retire from life one day and live in Manarola (Cinque Terre), Italy. 

19. Awkward men seam to love me and gravitate to me. I can't help this and I have no idea how to make it stop. 

20. I dearly love to laugh. 

21. I asked Santa to bring me a boy for Christmas, he didn't come through... maybe he didn't get my letter in time. 

22. I love mindless girly movies/ chick flicks.

23. It is my dream to adopt a child from every nation and have a United Nations of Children. Ok maybe not every nation but lots of them and still call them my "united nations of children." This is how I will accomplish world peace. 

24. I really really really wish World Peace were possible. 

25. Some times I like to imagine what my life would look life if I'd made a different decision or things had turned out differently. Like if I hadn't chosen Samford. Or if I hadn't lived in the house I did summer 2005. Or if I hadn't had a best friend growing up that looked like my twin and was also obsessed with O-town. If I hadn't out grown the tom-boy phase. I like my life as it is, its just fun to think about and wonder. 

26. I'm OCD (or CDO, if we're going alphabetical) I need for things to be in even numbers. 

The time has come...

... tomorrow, I must put on my big girl panties and deal with the fact that I have earned a diploma and am no longer a college student. Its terrifying. I have my first real job interview tomorrow, which means for the past 5/6 hours I've been reading articles, watching videos, and trying to gain as much knowledge as I can to make this a smooth interview. I'm seriously going to need to find the complaint box of life and formally state that no one tells you that right after college sucks and the job search is TERRIFYING. If anybody knows where the box is please let me know, because right now it feels like I'm searching for a needle in a hay stack to find it. But never fear because I will find it! ;) 

One last thing, my oh my do I wish I could be an Indy Lady right now! in honor of "the good ole days".... 

  

"All the women who Independent, Throw ya hands up at me!" 

the days go on

As the days keep going, and I move farther and farther away from my college days... I've been forced to think about my days at Samford and how they affect my life and who I am and etc.  I recently had a conversation with a dear friend that has made me wonder if the blessing that is Samford really was as much of a blessing as we thought. For some people, at Samford they were never challenged to find their position and their opinion on life decisions, they made "choices" and ideals for their life but where never challenged in them. I feel like thats half of college, you set an ideal for your life and then its challenged.  However, for some the bubble that we lived in at Samford didn't allow them to face those challenges, so they went into the real world no longer bubble people and their world was shattered. They did things they said they never would, things they never thought would be challenged because it hadn't yet in their 23 years of life, why would it now? I know this isn't the case for everyone at Samford but I've just been thinking about my 3.5 years at Samford compared to my 1 year at a state school. The difference is huge, and although I hate that I missed that first year at Samford and I was robbed on 4 years there, and I missed connections and participating in SOSA and the freshman show (new kids on the block) and living in Vail and one less year of stepsing... the list continues. Maybe that brief stint of public college was good for me, maybe not... I guess we'll see in the coming months as I figure out what it means to no longer be a college student. 

On that note, I miss classes, I miss studying for tests in the Library. I would give my left leg to have stepsing ruling my life right now. I will say I have loved getting to read whatever I want, thats fun. I just reread the Twilight series, and I'm now starting the Harry Potter series; I have yet to go back to book one and read all the way through so now I'm doing it and I am remembering how much I love these books and these characters. 

Thus I will leave you with this.... I love the sorting hat and its songs... 

Oh, you may not think I'm pretty, 

But don't judge on what you see, 

I'll eat myself if you can find 

A smarter hat than me. 

You can keep your bowlers black, 

Your top hats sleek and tall, 

For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat

And I can top them all. 

There's nothing hidden in your head 

The Sorting Hat can't see, 

So try me on and I will tell you 

Where you out to be. 

You might belong in Gryffindor, 

Where dwell the brave at heart, 

Their daring, nerve and chivalry 

Set Gryffindors apart; 

You might belong in Hufflepuff,

Where they are just and loyal, 

Those patient Hufflepuffs are true

And unafraid of toil; 

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,

If you've a steady mind, 

Where those of wit and learning, 

Will always find their kind; 

Or perhaps in Slytherin 

You'll make your real friends, 

Those cunning folk use any means 

To achieve their ends. 

So put me on! Don't be afraid! 

And don't get in a flap! 

You're in safe hands (though I have none) 

For I'm a thinking Cap! 

growing up

no one tells you until you close the chapter we call college and are pushed through the door into adulthood.... this transition into the real world  and growing up sucks. BOOO!