Kool-aid

Well, folks as I continue in this thing we call a job search I've learned a few things....

- although in my head right now I think that I am fully qualified for a lot of jobs and would love them and succeed in them... when I start reading job descriptions online for jobs I hear this voice in my head that is my former employer saying that I am not qualified, I will never get those jobs, and I might as well just see if maybe McDonalds will take me because that's all I've got left as an option.

- I also am incredibly nervous to end up working for a crappy organization like I did the last time. Maybe I'm being too cautions... I used to be an optimist, but right now I feel very pessimistic about every organization I look at.

- I think I drank the Kool-aid for an organization, that I never thought I would. But the problem with falling in love with an organization, or job is when you don't get it. It's hard. And let me just say, being in the final 2 inconsideration for the job doesn't help too much with this process.

-I really and honestly don't know where I want to be right now, or what I want to be doing. There are just so many options that its overwhelming and I have a hard time even answering that question when people ask.

- I might be too honest of a person of normal job interviews. I want to tell the truth and be respected for doing so. Instead, I've been taught/trained to give them the answers they want to hear and figure out the rest later.

- I had an interview on Friday, most unconventional interview I've ever had... I think I liked it that way. Problem is it was so casual and un-normal for me that I don't really know how to tell people how it went or if I will get hired from it. (good think I've got somebody on the inside ;) )

- One of my best friends is getting married in 19 days ... I can't believe it. I also have to find a new place to live in 19 days, and have some kind of a plan of what I'm doing in life... no pressure on me.

-With that wedding in 19 days, we have dresses we have to wear in the wedding, we still don't have them... I'm a little nervous. What if the dress doesn't fit someone, or alterations have to happen... I haven't been able to think about much else since I realized this. I'm terrified, mine isn't going to fit me.