intimacy
An interesting tid-bit of life is that intimacy progresses based on our perceptions of interactions, not on the interaction itself. When I look at my life this statement based on the Social Penetration Theory makes things so much clearer. A lot of things in life you may understand or perceive peoples intentions and that is what you base where your level of intimacy should go, or where it is. You pull back, you run away as fast as you can, you dive deeper, you stay where you are for now. So much of life is not based on interaction itself, but on how each person perceives it and chooses to move from there.
Once life happens it can never be the same again, that’s a hard concept to grasp. I can’t have Aqua 07 again, but I can make the best of the time I will have with Aqua 08. I can’t go back to a place where old relationships were; I can’t relieve those times. But I can take what I’ve learned from them and use that in my future.
I have a love hate relationship with graduation. I love that you get to move to the next chapter of your life, that things change and it gives you a chance to make choices for your life. But it takes people away, it means you have to make tough choices and you are becoming more and more of a grown up.
It’s hard to watch people you’ve loved become different people that you don’t want to be with. It’s hard when you’ve realized this has happened. It’s even harder when you can’t seem to get away from it. Some how it constantly follows you almost haunts you. What do you do with that? Maybe I’m not really prepared for life, or maybe I such at relationships… both things I think I would have been aware of before now I mean almost 23 years of my life has gone by and I’m just learning that. That’s odd.
I don’t know what I’d do with out some relationships in my life, but I’m not terrified of screwing them up. I don’t want to hurt these people. If I’m the problem, I don’t want them to have to go through pain because of me. I don’t want to be that self-deprecating person, but really lately I’ve just felt like I am the problem, and if I wasn’t’ in people’s lives it would be better for them.
I have a tough week ahead of me. A lot of things need to be decided and a lot of things have to be done. I don’t know how its going to happen.
2 comments :
okay, don't take this wrong, but i think it's funny:http://despair.com/dysfunction.html
sometimes i get really down on myself about growing up too.
i want to go back to so many things
but we have rearview mirrors and pictures for things like that.
a friend of mine told me yesterday: when you don't have a love it's like there's this song hanging over you and you just have to follow it until you hear all of it. it may lead you to something specific, it may not. but you have to follow it, because one of the songs will lead you to your love.
he's sort of a romantic ;). and maybe a soul mate of mine. don't get tired of listening to the song. you're only in the middle of the ride :D.
i less than three you naim maod (which means i love you a lot)
I really love it that you said this: "Once life happens it can never be the same again, that’s a hard concept to grasp." I think that is very, very true and you captured it perfectly.
I know you are going to be out of your mind busy gearing up for camp, but I'll be in town this Saturday...do you have any free time before 6pm to hang out?
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