The Book of Life

So I think I just realized, like really realized, that in 2 weeks I'm done with College. I can't go back and do it again. I'm never going to get this 'phase' of my life back. Adulthood and grown-up-ness is on the horizon for me. I have to end a wonderful chapter of my life, and open a new one. There is no option to this, no turning around and trying again. Now in my short life all of these forced chapters like this have opened to more school (for the most part). I mean I didn't want to leave Elementary School, I liked it there it was happy and fun and you got to go to recess. But then I went to Jr. High and I liked that too there was freedom and you changed classrooms a whole lot, and you got to hang out with people at your locker for like a whole minute between classes and then the time came to leave that too and I didn't want that to end either. And then High School, now I know some people hated high school but, I loved it. It was fun, it was EASY! Your problems were so simple, and no one really expected that much of you, I mean you were a teenager what all could you do. And then Senior year came and it flew by and we all said goodbye to our friends and headed on to make new ones. A lot of us in places away from our hometown, where everything was new. And well that was awesome too, and I have made some wonderful friendships. And now as I close this chapter I for a little bit will have a few life chapters with out school. The idea of not going to buy books in January and not spending every night in the Harwell Goodwin sounds great. But I will greatly miss it. I'm thankful for those that have just begun this journey, or have already done it, that will be able to coach and guide me through it. 

I think this next chapter is just scary because it holds so many unknowns. I mean life has always been pretty laid out as to what is coming next. After pre-school is kindergarten, .... after high school is college but there is nothing laid out for this chapter. There are so many options and so much of life to explore and figure out on my own. I'm excited about the challenge but I also hear the first 6 months suck... I've had enough "life sucking" for the past year couldn't I skip that part? 

ps. I've gone back and read a whole lot of my posts and I rarely re-read before I post so there are a lot of typos... I apologize, I'll try to get better at that. 

the end is near

I submitted my completed draft of my Senior Thesis/Research.... which means that I will make a few changes based on what my advisor says, but I'M DONE! 

I have now completed all major requirements that would hinder graduating. Which means, they officially can't take it away now. (not that I'd complain too much if they did.) It was a strange feeling to hit the submit button last night and feel the 80 lb weight lift off of me. Now all I have to do is find a big girl job.... right now easier said than done. 

I feel like the story of Romeo and Juliet has continuously come into my conversations, and life ... I think I'm going to read that this week while I've got some spare time on my hands. 

The current 'to do' list I'm working off of, has so many check marks and things marked off and so little left on it, I don't know how to take that. The idea that I actually go everything done is amazing, and sad because it means its almost all over. 

Its Turkey week. I had Thanksgiving with my London Family this weekend, I love the feeling when we all get in a room together. It really feels like my family finally is all back together and we can celebrate. That group of 17 people means more to me than I think I even know right now, and I'm so thankful for the time I got to spend with them and for being blessed to even know them. 

lists, lists, lists

My life is one big list, so why shouldn't this post be one too? 

1. Graduation t-29 days and counting. 

2. I'm sad for this semester to be ending, because it means my internships are ending and I really enjoy them. Hopefully I can still go visit some next semester. 

3. I don't think I believe that they are going to let me graduate... I mean I'm not engaged isn't that reason enough not to let it happen. ;) I've never known a life where I don't go to school, I don't think I'm going to like it. Good thing its only for 1.5 years or less. 

4. we started decorating for Christmas in our Apartment... its WONDERFUL! 

5. I'm staying in B'ham for Thanksgiving... I don't know how I feel about that yet. 

6. my "eportfolio" is turning out to be totally legit. When its done and online I'll post a link. 

7. I'm going to Tallahassee this weekend! but its supposed to be super cold, boo! 

8. I'm a year older. Each year birthdays get more and more strange. I feel old. I think 23 just sounds old. It could be that I turned 23 and in a month I graduate so all that adulthood junk is really getting thrown in my face. 

9. I've been visiting a new church. I think I really like it, but its hard to leave the other. But this one offers a sense of community the other never had, its so close to my apartment. And I really think the people are just precious.

10. I'm running a 5k in a little over a week... I haven't been running in like a month...oopsie. 

11. I've been sick a lot recently. I don't like it. 

12. I'm really not a fan of this phase of life. All your friends are moving, and getting married and our lives are separating a little bit. Its sad. 

13. I ordered graduation announcements... not the lame ones from the school, but super cute ones. I can't wait to get them in my hands. 

14. Some times I'm convinced I'm adopted. I mean I'm so opposite from both my parents and my brother its strange. I've felt like this all of my life. The way I think and the way they think are so different, I mean that has to be genetic and I have to have gotten it from somewhere else. Maybe my mom wasn't kidding when she told me I was the milk man's kid. 

15. I might, possibly, maybe have a crush. I don't like this. I don't know what to do with this. boo! 

16. I've been really music obsessed lately. I wish I had a job so I could afford to buy new music instead of just hoping what I wants pops up on pandora. 

election thoughts

I'll start with just a few thoughts I have had since watching CNN last night... 

118,747,361 people voted in 2008 

62,100,082 people voted in 2004 

that means that 56,647,279 more people voted in 2008 than in 2004. Thats incredible!!!

A nation of the people, by the people and for the people. I think we've forgotten about this, but this is where our country started and should never move away from. 

I'm not sure how you could have watched Barack's speech last night and not been inspired, and given a renewed hope for America's future.  

I thought it was very important and very interesting that Barack last night addressed the people who didn't vote for him, and reminded them that he is "their president too", so he'll be listening to their voices too. 

Let's talk about McCain's Concession Speech last night. One, I'm proud of his speech, this is probably the best speech he's ever done. I felt like he was honest and this was the first time I watched him and felt the honesty he had behind his words. However, I was APPALLED by the McCain supporters. I would be embarrassed to associate myself with them after last night. I could not believe they booed in the middle of the speech, they chanted McCain's name... they had nothing to gain from this. I wish they could have listened to what McCain was actually saying.  And it wasn't only the people at the rally, the McCain supporters at my election party had the same reactions, they made horribly rude comments during Obama's Speech, and then the facebook status waterfall of horrible comments. The world has not ended and will not end because of a new president. 

In watching the two speeches, a very distinct difference, that I somewhat just referenced. The McCain supporters at the rally and around the country versus the Obama supporters (again at the rally and around the country). The Obama supporters chants and statements made in the last 12 (ish) hours were "YES WE CAN" not Obama's name, not anything about a party, or a single person making change. It is about us as a country coming together to make change, and to bring America up to where it could be as a country. The greatness it can achieve, and the hope that it can afford its people. 

I have never been interested in the news, or politics, or keeping up with what's going on in the world. I've had the attitude of just let it happen, what is going to happen is going to happen.  However, I could not wait to watch the news this week, I stat mesmerized in front of the television last night, abandoning my studies for a few hours, waiting to see what America had in store for its future. I saw my peers, a generation who has been as apathetic as myself joining in the campaign, watching with the same interest I had, discussing and taking pride in the fact that they VOTED. My generation, myself included, have always been very apathetic about politics; we couldn't see our voices being heard, we couldn't see our efforts making a difference. But last night we did. We saw what could happen when we ban together and use our voices, for those that can't, for our country, for those that are scared to use them. We saw what we could do and now we are interested. We want to see what is going to happen and how we can be a part of it. This is now not just a country we've grown up in, and where our citizenship lies; it is OUR country, where we have a chance to make a difference, where we can take pride in our efforts to help those less fortunate than ourselves, a country we can love and affect, a country in which things will not get better unless we speak up, where our voice matters. I think not only is this a historic election because of who was elected, but also I think and I hope that the apathy of my generation is beginning to be broken as we realize the potential and opportunities we have for affecting this nation. 

lately

So I've been doing an internship at a homeless shelter. The first few times I was terrified, what am I going to talk about with these women, do we have anything in common? I hate small talk. I think I walked in thinking about what I could offer them, what I could teach them. and then I started watching them, and not trying to find ways to force a conversation but just learning where they work and what they do in their free time. 

I've been able to sit in on their bible studies, and listen to the things God is doing in their lives. I walked through the living room yesterday and found two of them studying their bibles. And I had to stop where I was standing and realize how complacent I've become in my relationship with God, I know he's there. I've hit rock bottom, and he was there, but why is it that when things are going well, we put our relationship with God on the back burner. I mean life doesn't get that bad very often, I am blessed. 

Tonight when I left one of the little girls who has won my heart had just been hugging me and holding me as tightly as she possibly could for the past five minutes, cried when I handed her off to her mom. It was heart breaking. This precious 4 year old little girl has seen so much of life in her 4 short years. She wants someone to be able to just sit and tell her how wonderful she is, and that wants nothing more to hear about school today. But her reality (I'm not saying her Mom is not a wonderful person and doing the best she can) is she comes to the shelter after school and her mom is coming home after a long hard day at a job that I'll be honest  I wouldn't even consider working. She's been on her feet all day, she doesn't know how to discipline very well, she just wants her little girl to like her and not thing she's mean. She wants to hold her and love her. I wish for a better life for her. All that to say, I think one of the things I'm going to start looking for opportunities to teach both of them and encourage them in their life. The won't be at the shelter forever at some point they've got to become self sufficient. I want them to be as prepared as they possibly can be. 

I love getting to be a part of the women's lives and I'm looking forward to going back in and learning something else, and seeing God move. 

things to come

I'm thinking about joining the Team in Training for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

More to come on that, but I'd just thought I'd share what I've been thinking a lot about lately. 

This semester is still a mystery to me. I have time on my hands, but theoretically I shouldn't.  I feel busy, but there are several times that I find myself bored. 

I don't spend a few hours every day in the Library, I actually haven't spend any hours in the library. I'm sure my table is wondering where I went, I bet someone else sits there and thinks its their table. 

I can pretty easily float by, I just don't know how to handle that. 

Semester after semester I can't seem to find enough hours to get everything done. I think not working as often during the day is part of this so I feel like I have more time when I get to the night and I don't have to slave away over my homework. 

I really can't believe how its all playing out. I looked at and I think picked out my graduation announcements today. I feel like yesterday I was slaving away trying to get my high school graduation announcements out while applying to colleges and deciding where to go, what to major in. Now all of that is over, and I did so much more than I ever thought.