Please Mind The Gap

Today

2011-05-22T21:05:00.003+01:00

One week from today I will be "busting a move" as I have now official termed this transition.

6 days from today, all my stuff will be put in its summer locations, and we will see how well my color coordinated move works.

5 days from today, Madre and Padre will arrive in the 'ham, my stuff must be packed and there will be dreamcakes, a reward for perseverance!

Today I said goodbye to my sunday school class, I have taught at this church for about 2 years. So the kids in my class I've seen for 2 years, I've watched them go from toddlers learning to walk to potty training and speaking in complete -ish sentences. I managed not to cry until I got to my car in the parking deck. The same cannot be said about the rest of this weeks goodbyes. It's hard to believe that I will not be there next week.

2 days ago today, I said goodbye to my precious class. I loved teaching them and seeing how much they learned in our short time together.

Tomorrow, I've got to get my act together and make my "mountain of progress," aka boxes that are packed, grow from a tiny hill into a true mountain... I CAN DO THIS.

I'm avoiding a few goodbyes and can't let myself leave them until 4 days from today, because that day is already going to be hard enough. I cry when I think about 4 days from today.

The moral of this post can best be summed up by Michael Scott, "t-shirt idea, goodbye's stink." I'm excited about the road ahead of me, I'm excited to meet new people, and have new experiences... but man leaving a place you've called home for 6 years isn't fun. I have a family here, a community. Birmingham, I have loved, you. I have learned a lot, and grown a lot. I became a real grown up here. This is the first place I lived on my own. I'm glad I've had the separation from my beloved Samford, or this week would be terribly sad. But I must find a new disney world campus, full of happy memories, and friendly faces. I can do this, I will do this, but I will also shed a few tears as beginnings are often scary. I am reminded of when I was headed to London and I knew no one I was going with. And the emotions I felt as I began that journey and as I look back on that week leading up to my plane ride, I think of my London family and the love we have for each other now and all the good that semester put into my life.

Chaos

2011-05-19T00:52:00.005+01:00

My life looks like total chaos, my normal organized, clean self feels like I'm living in a pig pin.

I will be taking one of the biggest risks of my life, I'm moving. I'm leaving a city I know and love with people I know and love and call my family, and a job I love with people I enjoy seeing daily. I going to a place I know no one, have no job, and really no plan. But oh what an adventure it will be! I am so excited for the adventures and new experiences this chapter of my journey will bring me. I have known this move would happen for sometime, I've felt it coming for months, I could feel the change in the air of my life, but now that we are here it doesn't seem real. I don't know how I will leave my community here. I can't bring myself to continue the packing process I started, 1 because its the last week of school and my life is busy, 2 because there are lots of people that I will not see consistently after next week, and 3 because packing makes it real and that's scary, and 4 packing is not very creative and I feel a need to be creative lately.

So here I sit, in my living room, knowing I need to pack and reorganize my life, but I can see my classroom decorations and supplies I've taken out of my room this week. That room is now so sad the walls are bare, where once there were art projects, color and life and I can't stand the thought of living in my apartment like that for a week, so I'm avoiding.

Something I have to keep telling myself every day, every hour is that my adventure doesn't start in a week, not really. Really its already started, and I can't continue living in it until I pack all my junk and drive all the way to the new location of my adventure.

2010-08-30T17:16:00.001+01:00

step into your future with a prayer in your heart and a song in your soul - step into your future with faith in the Lord and the abilities He's given you... Step into your future secure in the knowledge that this world needs you and the unique inspiring gifts that only you can give.

2010-01-23T22:01:00.002Z

I've always had a heart for adoption. If I could I'd adopt hundreds of kids so they'd all have a family and be loved. I usually joke that I want to adopt a kid from every nation and create my own united nations of children, and this is how I will bring about world peace. I've known for a long time that one of my life goals is to adopt, I just can't do that yet. Don't get me wrong, if someone called me today and asked me if I wanted to adopt a kid tomorrow you better believe I'd figure out away to make it happen, even though I in no way feel ready for that. Its just not my timing yet.

As I watch families finally getting their kids that they've been in the process of adopting for years from Haiti today/last night, there is a tug in my heart that some day I will get to bring my kid home from somewhere. I see the emotions in all of their faces as they experience so many firsts so quickly as a family. I can't imagine what those kids have been through in the past week, but I am so thankful they are in the states and with their families.

All week, I see all the devastation in Haiti, and all I can think about are all of the kids who weren't orphans a week ago, but are now. I think of what this past week has been for me and I think of what its been for them and my heart just breaks.

Songs of Home

2009-12-16T22:43:00.002Z

so my friend Erin did this a few days ago on her blog and if I actually kept up with this I'd know how to link to her there but I don't. I'll figure it out one day.

Ok so the game is name some songs that remind you of home and tell why.

1. Earl had to Die- Dixie Chicks: not only does it have the classic twangs of country music, I vividly remember belting this song at every particular moment one year at Disciple Now. As soon as this song starts or even upon hearing the name, I am instantly taken back to all of us sitting in my living room at that D'now singing this song. I believe this was also the same year we convinced my parents to let us wrestle.

2. Don't take the Girl - Tim McGraw: I realize that most country songs will remind me of home and growing up considering I grew up in small town Texas where we only listened to country music for awhile. But this song was my favorite when I was younger, I'm pretty sure I still remember every word. And I can see myself sitting in the back of my mom's Buick sing it, and then asking my parents to rewind it and start it over. George Strait's "Check Yes or NO" has the same affect on me.

3. Don't run to the TV- I don't know the actual name of this song or any part other than one verse. But this song or I guess these lyrics instantly take me back to sitting in the choir room at FBC Canyon with Dan the Man. The lyrics i remember incase you are wondering are: "don't run to the TV it doesn't love you, it doesn't know you from a hole in the ground. There's a hole in your heart, there's a hurt in your self. You just need Jesus like everyone else." Inspiring right?

4. I saw the Sign- Ace of Base: I can remember many a dances we made up while listening to this song.

5. Lean on Me- in the recent episode of Glee where they sang this song, I totally had a flashback to "SHOW KIDS" and was in the choir room at Oscar Hinger/on the square in those purple shirts singing away.

6. Bye, Bye, Bye - N'sync and Mmmbop - Hanson: totally take me back to junior high. I loved boy bands.

7. Anything Spice Girls, takes me back to "uptown girls" in 5th grade and early Junior high

8. Ironic - Alanis Morrisette: I'm sitting in Mrs. Kuhlman's class. I totally associate most of Alanis with junior high, I remember loving "hand in my pocket" too. And the "Bitch song" as we called it, takes me back to junior high Tennis.

9. New Kids on the Block: I loved them, I had the sleeping back and all. I remember my cousins had this fisher price "band" thing. We would all take our places and most of the time we were singing a New kids song.

10. Caedmon's Call: I can't remember the song but there is one song that is still on my computer and when it comes up in the shuffle I am taken back the the streets of Canyon. With the no trees and lots of dirt and the Braums.

now its your turn...

when everything seems to be going wrong

2009-11-03T04:41:00.004Z

Right now I live with a family that I babysit for, they are very gracious in allowing me to basically be part of the family. They are going through a season of struggles right now, and its good that I can be here to help but also hard to watch. I mean, I'm 23, I'm just figuring out the struggles of "real life" and how to live a life with out school, and be a responsible member of the adult world.

Today I was reminded while talking with the mom of this family what life is like in a season of struggles. I'm an optimist, so even while I am struggling with a whole lot going on in my life, I still naturally look for all that is good and right in the world and choose to focus on that rather than all the negative around me. So its hard for me to see people struggling with things that life throws at them and have the right understanding to help them through it. Today the best I could come up with this as this mom is just stressing about one thing after the other, was that as soon as you let one little (or huge) thing stress you out and you don't bounce up ready for the next thing, you start to feel like you'll never get up like things will never be right again. Because as you slowly get up from a fall something else can hit you before you ever fully recover, and then something else and something else. So it just feels like you can't win and you begin to feel defeat. However, if you'd just hopped right up the first time, no matter how hard it may seem, you'll be on your feet ready for the next one and it won't feel like it hit as quickly.

Maybe this doesn't even make sense, but I just picture this guy (he's a stick figure) and he is running on a I guess its a track I'm not sure though. Anyways, he's running and he sees a hurtle, but by the time he gets to the hurtle, its taller than he thought it would be and he doesn't make it over. Well instead of getting straight up and continuing on, to find out what is next. He takes his time and kinda crawls a little before getting up and walking and then starting to run again. Only by the time he starts running again, a lot of time has passed but he can't seem to stop thinking about this hurtle that he missed. And then he's not looking where he's going and he falls in a hole. (this is a very dangerous kind of track thing in my head.) So now he's lying in a hole going, what is going on, and again taking his time to crawl out. Well as he gets his hands to the top to get out, a rock falls and knocks him back down. He finally gets out of the hole and he runs into a tree, and so on and so on. And his path just seems to be the only one with all these obstacles on it, I mean he looks at the other people running and he doesn't see them having a problem. He doesn't know that bob 5 lanes over, ran into a tree while he was trying to get out of his hole. He seems to think the world is against him and totally for everyone else. But maybe if he'd just gotten straight up from that first hurtle, and stopped worrying about it he would have seen the hole and then seen the tree. Its worth a shot at least.

can't you see its not a race

2009-10-22T03:47:00.003+01:00

Most nights when I get home, I sit down for a few minutes and wonder where my day has gone. When I woke up that morning I thought I was going to have some free time to read, or catch up on tv shows I've missed through out the week, or even do my laundry. I mean I work PT at a photography studio, but that's only been happening this week, and I babysit... but where on earth is the rest of my time going.

I mean I'd like to say I spend it doing something awesome but I really have no idea. I think part of this has to do with my extroverted-ness... If I'm going to do something to fill my time, especially in this state of my life where things are so chaotic, its going to be something where I'm surrounded by people.

Enough of that, lets do a quick recap like update of Tiffany's life...

1. I just got a job at a photography studio, we do preschool and daycare school photos. As well as dance schools and maybe teams... I don't really know about that. I still am not 100% sure what I do, or if I'm even going to like it... but its a job for now.

2. I babysit a whole lot. I can look at my calendar for next week right now and see 1 babysitting job but by the end of next week, I will have babysat at least 5 of the 7 days in the week. I am so Thankful that God provides jobs and I randomly keep surviving. I guess it gives a little reassurance that at least for now, I am doing the right thing. It helps with the whole I quit my full-time job and haven't found a new one maybe I shouldn't have quit thoughts.

3. A kid I love dearly, most likely he's my favorite kid on the planet (for sure top 5), had brain surgery last week. He is doing incredibly well and is the bravest kid I know. This whole brain surgery thing was a little much for me at first considering how much I love this kid... but also because just a month before his surgery another kid I babysit had brain surgery. What are the odds that extremely empathetic Tiffany would have 2 kids going through MAJOR brain surgeries within a month of each other? So this has been a very emotional few weeks, as I try to understand or at least as God what he was trying to teach me with both of these children going through this. Maybe I'm figuring a few things out, we'll still have to see.

4. I live with a family I babysit for, since my bestie had to go off and get married on me. ;) At first I thought I was moving away from b'ham, now I kind of feel like God's not done with me here, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do next. I am very thankful for the family that is letting me live with them and be a part of their family.

5. Some times living with other people makes your life a little complicated. Like right now, I'm actually staying with another family I babysit for because the original family has some extended family in town for the weekend. Again, so thankful for my network here. Also, its really cold in the 'ham... I did not keep enough warm clothes or shoes... I think I wear my "boots with the fur" almost every day. Hopefully soon, I will see my schedule at least getting enough consistency that I can get an apt or figure out what I'm supposed to be doing next.

6. There might be a new person in my life... we're still figuring out how we feel about him. ;)

I really do wish I updated this more, I just forget and blogging is such an alone act... I mean I barely keep up with all the blogs I follow these days. One day I will get better, I am trying... but no promises. ;)

Kool-aid

2009-09-08T04:50:00.003+01:00

Well, folks as I continue in this thing we call a job search I've learned a few things....

- although in my head right now I think that I am fully qualified for a lot of jobs and would love them and succeed in them... when I start reading job descriptions online for jobs I hear this voice in my head that is my former employer saying that I am not qualified, I will never get those jobs, and I might as well just see if maybe McDonalds will take me because that's all I've got left as an option.

- I also am incredibly nervous to end up working for a crappy organization like I did the last time. Maybe I'm being too cautions... I used to be an optimist, but right now I feel very pessimistic about every organization I look at.

- I think I drank the Kool-aid for an organization, that I never thought I would. But the problem with falling in love with an organization, or job is when you don't get it. It's hard. And let me just say, being in the final 2 inconsideration for the job doesn't help too much with this process.

-I really and honestly don't know where I want to be right now, or what I want to be doing. There are just so many options that its overwhelming and I have a hard time even answering that question when people ask.

- I might be too honest of a person of normal job interviews. I want to tell the truth and be respected for doing so. Instead, I've been taught/trained to give them the answers they want to hear and figure out the rest later.

- I had an interview on Friday, most unconventional interview I've ever had... I think I liked it that way. Problem is it was so casual and un-normal for me that I don't really know how to tell people how it went or if I will get hired from it. (good think I've got somebody on the inside ;) )

- One of my best friends is getting married in 19 days ... I can't believe it. I also have to find a new place to live in 19 days, and have some kind of a plan of what I'm doing in life... no pressure on me.

-With that wedding in 19 days, we have dresses we have to wear in the wedding, we still don't have them... I'm a little nervous. What if the dress doesn't fit someone, or alterations have to happen... I haven't been able to think about much else since I realized this. I'm terrified, mine isn't going to fit me.

what just happened

2009-07-21T05:14:00.002+01:00

this weekend I decided to turn in my two weeks notice, and that I wasn't going to live in the apartment I am currently living in anymore. I have no idea where I am going to work, or live when my time is up. I'll figure all that out as I go, I have things and places to get me by. But I don't really know what is next. I'm kinda terrified, but I know this is the right decision. (well I think I do)

I prepare how I'm going to quite, and I am ready. I walk into work today, my plan was to clock in, sign in, go through staff meeting and then turn in my two weeks notice as I walked out to get in the van. I had it all rehearsed. And here's what really happened, I get to work, I walk in, I walk past the case manager's office and she says, "Tiffany after you clock in we're going to meet with Mr. Phil" (not to be confused with Dr. Phil). I say "Oh Crap" to myself and look at Brandon the other Street Outreach person (SOR), he knows nothing. I clock in, and we all hop in the van and speed off to Alabaster. Oh did I mention Shawn didn't come to work today... yeah.

We come out of the meeting being told we had different hours, and a few other things. I told them I was planning to quit, but I didn't know how this meeting was going to affect my quitting.

I now have to decide how that meeting affects my quitting. I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter. I don't think anything will change. except that if I continue this job, I won't see my friends ever... and I have to give up every regular babysitting job I have... which is a huge part of my income. Basically I do know exactly how it affects my decision but it doesn't mean I'm not still freaked out about how HUGE the decisions I made this weekend really are.

the clock keeps ticking

2009-06-16T22:05:00.002+01:00

- I don't like that I've been Debbie Downer on Adulthood for the past few months.

- Time keeps going by and I keep not being sure what exactly I'm doing. I think doors are opening but as I move toward them or inside is there going to be a door slammed in my face. We shall see.

- I got an amazing phone call last week, that lead to an incredible interview, for my dream job. At least for now dream job. So we are playing the waiting game and learning yet again about patience one of life's hardest lessons I'm convinced.

- I've been really busy. I don't really know where all my "spare time" went but I would like just a little bit of it back. I do like being busy, it just doesn't leave much time for thinking about life decisions. (however this is good with the waiting game I'm playing currently)

- I have had some really encouraging conversations with people around me and in my life. They have made me even more thankful to know them and aware of how blessed I am.

- I went home to Texas, and I liked it. I loved being able to see all of the people in that community that have helped to raise me and shape me into who I am. I loved seeing the children, who's lives I got to shape and the fact that they remembered me was the icing on the cake. I met some new great people, that I would love to be able to sit and talk with. Which makes me wonder if a move to Texas and slightly closer to home would be good for me.

- I have been overcome by a strong desire and perhaps need to get myself out of this country again soon. To be back in Europe, and to be seeing and experiencing new things.

- And for the funny story of the day, My supervisor called me today and told me he needed me to go to "Sweet Daddy's". I didn't know what sweet daddy's was but he told me the part of town and my first reaction of this place is shady I think I'm already uncomfortable was becoming stronger. Then as he explains how to get there he tells me about a giant pig sign and says, "Sweet Daddy's" the BBQ joint is right past that. I was only mildly less concerned because who would eat at a place called "Sweet Daddy's"

Adulthood

2009-06-05T02:45:00.002+01:00

ok so I know I've only been an official adult for about 6 months, but I would like to make a few statements about adulthood.

1. Adulthood is HARD. No one tells you how hard it is. There are decisions, that could alter the rest of your life, and you don't have any security when you make them.

2. As a single adult, it sounds great that you can go anywhere or do whatever. But it also is scary and some times it'd be nice to have someone to help you make your decision.

3. Life is filled with drama, we can't escape it. But I have to say, in my short 6 month experience I'd like to say I think the drama is worse as an adult than any other time. Maybe that is because you can blame it on being young or something before.

Also, this is a big decision but I think I'm looking to move back to Texas... my top cities are

San Antonio and Austin

then Houston and Dallas area.

If anyone knows people in these areas or lives there and has ideas of places I can send my resume and such to that'd be awesome. The people in these areas might be what freaks me out the most, so there it is.

I'm sure there is more to come. When I figure more out....

You can never go home again

2009-04-17T06:20:00.002+01:00

Today I went to the place I've avoided for 2 months because I knew I would fee like I did. I stood in the place that I learned so much about myself, life, love, and God. A place I call home, I felt home as soon as I pull in. A place where I met my friends, which became my family here. A community that surrounded me for 4 years and love me, and taught me so much, and was so much to me. This place was Samford.

I mean obviously life goes on, I knew that I was leaving Samford and would continue to grow and evolve and thrive. I knew that I would grow and evolve, and thrive out in the real world. However that first time you go home after you've left. To place you love, to a place you feel so comfortable so right. Where so much in your life happened. And you realize for real that you've left SUCKS. You realize the community that you adore and were a part of has changed and so have you.

It is all a part of growing up. That doesn't mean I have to like it. ;)

My how the time flies

2009-04-04T04:25:00.002+01:00

Time seems to fly, when your growing up. Lately I've been walking down the path of adulthood, at more of a run than a walk. I suppose that is how the first miles go though. Yesterday, I got my insurance card... its strange to have an insurance card with my name on it instead of my parent's. I drove the "Hope Mobile" today for the first time. Woo Hoo, I love driving in a giant van down the tiny, packed streets of downtown Birmingham. Lovely.

Tomorrow, at 5:30 I will be working at an awesome event called Project Homeless Connect. A lot of work has been put into this day, every organization in the Birmingham area will be present, as well as people to cut hair, doctors, dentists and even the DMV to help skip some steps and get people IDs. Its going to be huge. I hope to see some of the women I worked with during my internship as well as lots of my current clients.

One of my favorite clients that I was getting to know very well and enjoying the days he showed up was picked up by the cops and is now in jail... for a long time. I knew when he got out of our van on Wednesday he was going to do something stupid. I knew it! But that doesn't mean we didn't have one of the best conversations right before he got out of the van. I have learned not to ask a lot of questions to let my clients lead the conversations and if I'm listening I will pick up what is going on with their lives and how I can help as well as a little bit of insight into their lives. So Wednesday as we drove through the West Side I just let him talk. He showed me where he grew up, where his buddies used to live, where he used to buy weed, where a cop was shot a few months ago... and several other things. This was huge. Not only was showing me where he grew up and allowing me to begin to understand a little more about who he real is; but he was letting me know that he trusts me to know things about his life he hasn't shared with any other staff at the shelter. He was giving me the okay to now ask personal quesitons, to ask about growing up in 'the hood', but to ask about his family and friends, and to probe deeper into the criptic answers he gives us when we ask what he's been up to. ... But he's in jail now, and I probably won't be working in this job when he gets out, depending on how long he's in jail.

The realities of these kids lives are sinking in to me. I'm seeing more of the neighborhoods my clients came from. I've noticed that most people that are homeless have some type of mental disorder. It makes sense, but I hate it.

I want to go to Grad school, but its hard to explain what I want to do, so that I can get the right degree and actually accomplish my dreams.

2009-03-23T03:22:00.002Z

So its been weeks, and I have had many hilarious stories and things happen to me, and many wonderful things. Yet I haven't taken the time to write them. Some times I forget that I have this, but the idea of writing something down and who knows who is going to read it perhaps no one or perhaps a whole lot of someones is very cleansing and good. I love going back and reading what has happened over the last little bits of my life and the whole idea behind writing the humorous things of my day is to simply be able to remember them and catalog this time I am spending working with street youth.

I am beginning to love my job. I love working with these kids, I'm finding my groove. I'm enjoying the simple tasks I'm given and making them fun and entertaining. I enjoy seeing how simply me taking and leaving our card in a library means some teenager finds it just when they need it and calls the hotline and gets the help they need.

I think I'm in the process of outlining where I want to put my "career" focus. This has been such a hard thing for me, there is so much that I want to do, to experience, so many problems I want to help solve. Its exciting and terrifying all at the same time. And I have no idea where to begin with this new possible focus, but I know if this is what I'm supposed to be doing I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be for it. As things become more clear to me, I will reveal my thoughts and ideas. For now know that the light bulb may have finally come on inside my head and I am bubbling with enthusiasm to see how this chapter of my life (which is only just beginning) will unfold.

A few days ago I was sitting at the bus station and an old man, who was drunk, came up to me and proclaimed that Obama was a black man, And a President the world was in a good place. Then we walked off, and ran into the glass wall on his way out. I did very well not to laugh until I got into our van.

Its hard for me to watch kids with so much of their lives ahead of them wasting their time with drugs. But they've been smoking weed since they were 10... they aren't stopping now, not at 19 its not that easy. But I see them killing themselves and I want to shake them and push them out of this vicious cycle of poverty. If they do have kids and they continue with their lives as they are their kids will be in the exact same place they are now, and so will their grand-kids. And I don't see how the cycle ends. Its such an uphill battle for them, and the hill is steep, and hard to climb with no clear map. Their whole lives is such a foreign concept to me, they have seen and experience so much that I can't even imagine. I walk away from work every day thankful for the life I've been given, the education I've had, and the people surrounding me. I could have been born into poverty, but I wasn't and I'm thankful for that. And because of that I will spend my life doing what I can for those that have been born into a life of poverty.

there is never a dull moment when working with people

2009-03-11T04:13:00.002Z

I'm coming to learn that there is truly never a dull moment when working with people, especially homeless and "street" youth. I confessed last time that I'm working on controlling myself and my dancing... I am proud to say that apple bottom jeans came on the radio yesterday and I contained myself very nicely.

I hope that I daily have a funny story and hopefully many success stories along the way. Today's story happened when we were transporting a few of our clients to the place they are staying currently. These guys have been joking with me for the past 2 weeks and introducing me to many new songs and telling me stories about themselves. All but one of them, he usually is passed out (sleeping) on the couch most of the day until its time to go. This young man, he's one of my favorites because he is usually so incredibly stoned that it takes him a minute to respond to anything you say to him, some times he just smiles and says "yeah" and nods his head as a response probably because he doesn't know what is going on, and he has a grill. He's really funny to interact with probably because he's always 'on' something. Today as he and his friends loaded onto the van he asked me if I preferred 'dark meat or white meat'. Now I am smarter than the average female that is new to working with youth on the street. So I knew he was not referring to actual meat. I have been blessed with the gift to think on my feet and I didn't want to actually answer the question so, I decided to see how long it would take him to realize what I was saying. As I mentioned above this kid has a grill so when he says 'dark' it sounds like "dog". So I begin to use the word 'Dog' and say that, 'No I don't like dog meat, you're crazy if you eat dog meat, etc'. Blah, blah, blah. 3 minutes later he still has not caught on and is trying to continue using the word meat thinking I don't know what 'meat' he is talking about. He is getting more and more convinced that this conversation is hilarious and that I don't have a clue. It was probably one of the funniest 5 minutes of my week. As he was getting out of the van one of the other people in the van finally caught on and announced the 'word confusion' to everyone. So I'm sure this will continue tomorrow. As he got out of the van he just smiled and said you're so funny, I'll see you tomorrow. Apparently that's the most he's talked to any of the Outreach workers (that's my job/team), about something other than what he needs for us to do for him and those are usually short conversations as well.

Don't blink or life will pass you by

2009-03-04T01:58:00.003Z

It seems that life has been moving at the speed of light lately.

We've had some drama with the local gas company and our apartment complex which has meant that we haven't had heat or hot water for a week. Might I mention that it snowed this weekend. I can't get warm, ever. I'm currently sitting in front of a space heater.

I started my job yesterday. I still don't know what to think or if I'm going to enjoy this. I still have yet to do anything. I've sat and read articles, and a book about what I'll be doing, and case files, and I've observed what happens in the day shelter but have yet to do my job. I have met a lot of our clients and I LOVE it. it reaffirms that I want to do social work, however the law interest is also being reaffirmed because the only way I can make real change in a large number of people is working with policies and in Family Law.

I do have to wear a large T-shirt for my job, every day ... its a giant blue shirt. I am already frustrated by this t-shirt. (if you don't know this I absolutely HATE t-shirts, especially if they are too big). Part of how I express my sass is through what I'm wearing, so this is going to be even more of a challenge than I thought it was going to be.

I got an iPhone, it was my pick-me-up this weekend when I was shivering and thinking I was going to be a Popsicle by the end of the weekend. I love it. It is amazing. I already feel like there are things that are much smoother simply because I have my email on me at all times. Its strange. I think it will also be good considering my strange hours I'm going to be working. It is beautiful and in a pretty pink case and I'm still working on a name for it.

For the past two days as I sat in the shelter and read, and observed how things work, I have been introduced to so many "jams" and the sentence, "you heard this one miss tiff?" is constantly being yelled at me. I'm praying to Jesus that Apple Bottom Jeans doesn't come on at any point, I can't control myself when that song comes on, I just have to dance. I will obviously greatly embarrass myself if I do.

And now I'm off to make big kid decisions about health insurance and the like... weird. and I need to bum a shower off someone.

2009-02-20T01:43:00.001Z

This is what I learned about at work today.... Enjoy. I wonder what else I'm "too young" to know about.

New things

2009-02-17T05:05:00.002Z

Lots of things are happening in my life, lots of new things. And now I shall bullet/list because I like that better right now.

1. I miss being challenged to write out my thoughts in paper form and be critiqued by someone incredibly knowledgeable about the topic... aka college. I loved writing and I miss it. This might be where I do a lot of that

2. I have my first BIG GIRL JOB! Its such a weird thing. I'm ecstatic to begin this challenge and see how God uses me in this. I'm also terrified because I have no idea what to expect and have two weeks to just sit around and guess at what I'll be doing. Its going to be a challenging experience but I'm sure that I will learn a whole lot and be a better person for taking it on as well as helping in my way to make the world a better place and make someone's life a little bit better.

3. Stepsing happened this weekend, with out me on the stage. It was hard to watch and not jump on that stage. If you've met me you know my love for Stepsing and trust me, I tried to participate even though I graduated in Dec. I love it. I have made so many wonderful friends and memories through it. Its a huge part of my Samford experience.

4. Being a grown up I think will be much more fun with a real job. Just being able to say I have a real job is making it better.

5. I love Jon and Kate plus 8. Right now they are letting the 8 help "paint" the basement. I think one of my dream jobs would be to be their Nanny.

6. Brittany my bestie was in town this weekend. It was wonderful. I really miss her being in my life daily.

7. I want to start reading more again. I usually don't get to read a whole lot because I'm reading for school, so this whole idea that I can read whatever I want, whenever I want is going to be great. But there is so much to read, I'm a little overwhelmed with where to start.

8. I want to go to Europe, I'd get on a plane and leave tomorrow if I could.

you know that 25 things thing...

2009-02-03T05:32:00.000Z

1. My favorite color is Pink. bright hot pink, not that disgusting light pink. I've always thought I'd be cool to have a pink car, I'd never do it, but secretly I want one. Pink, bug? ;)

2. I love to read. I get lost in stories and they are so a part of my real life as I read them.

3. I have the best friends in the world. I don't know what I would do with out them, or how I ever didn't know them.

4. There is a giant stuffed Giraffe, named Bongo, sitting beside me right now.

5. I don't eat red meat, the stuff makes me want to throw up in my mouth.

6. For a short phase in my life I was tom-boyish. I refused to wear dresses, pink, or anything frilly. My how times have changed.

7. My dream is to one day live in England.

8. The travel bug inside of me is biting and needs to be fed. I must get out of the country soon.

9. I used to have a duck named 'Cuh-cuh'. 'Cuh-cuh had a baby duck named 'Baby Cuh-cuh'. They are still to this day my favorite stuffed animal. Followed closely behind by my giant stuffed pink pig that i used to use as a pillow.

10. I have a small obsession with Chai Lattes. I just can't help myself.

11. To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my favorite books. It was also the first "school assigned" book I ever read. Thanks Mrs. Click, I still have my 'foldable'.

12. All I want to do with my life is help people and love on people. Therefore the question "what do you want to be when you grow up" is really hard for me.

13. I've always wanted to join the Peace Corps, ever since Jessie talked about it on Saved by the Bell.

14. I can't remember what life was like before I had a sparkle on my nose. I love it.

15. Children aged 2.5 to 4 are my favorite age to work with.

16. I love people, and meeting people. But I have a hard time actually making real friends.

17. I met 17 of the most amazing people in my life when I boarded a plane for London, England. I never knew how much those 4.5 months would change my life and how much they would mean to me.

18. It is my dream to retire from life one day and live in Manarola (Cinque Terre), Italy.

19. Awkward men seam to love me and gravitate to me. I can't help this and I have no idea how to make it stop.

20. I dearly love to laugh.

21. I asked Santa to bring me a boy for Christmas, he didn't come through... maybe he didn't get my letter in time.

22. I love mindless girly movies/ chick flicks.

23. It is my dream to adopt a child from every nation and have a United Nations of Children. Ok maybe not every nation but lots of them and still call them my "united nations of children." This is how I will accomplish world peace.

24. I really really really wish World Peace were possible.

25. Some times I like to imagine what my life would look life if I'd made a different decision or things had turned out differently. Like if I hadn't chosen Samford. Or if I hadn't lived in the house I did summer 2005. Or if I hadn't had a best friend growing up that looked like my twin and was also obsessed with O-town. If I hadn't out grown the tom-boy phase. I like my life as it is, its just fun to think about and wonder.

26. I'm OCD (or CDO, if we're going alphabetical) I need for things to be in even numbers.

The time has come...

2009-01-29T05:19:00.004Z

... tomorrow, I must put on my big girl panties and deal with the fact that I have earned a diploma and am no longer a college student. Its terrifying. I have my first real job interview tomorrow, which means for the past 5/6 hours I've been reading articles, watching videos, and trying to gain as much knowledge as I can to make this a smooth interview. I'm seriously going to need to find the complaint box of life and formally state that no one tells you that right after college sucks and the job search is TERRIFYING. If anybody knows where the box is please let me know, because right now it feels like I'm searching for a needle in a hay stack to find it. But never fear because I will find it! ;)

One last thing, my oh my do I wish I could be an Indy Lady right now! in honor of "the good ole days"....

"All the women who Independent, Throw ya hands up at me!"

the days go on

2009-01-26T17:41:00.003Z

As the days keep going, and I move farther and farther away from my college days... I've been forced to think about my days at Samford and how they affect my life and who I am and etc. I recently had a conversation with a dear friend that has made me wonder if the blessing that is Samford really was as much of a blessing as we thought. For some people, at Samford they were never challenged to find their position and their opinion on life decisions, they made "choices" and ideals for their life but where never challenged in them. I feel like thats half of college, you set an ideal for your life and then its challenged. However, for some the bubble that we lived in at Samford didn't allow them to face those challenges, so they went into the real world no longer bubble people and their world was shattered. They did things they said they never would, things they never thought would be challenged because it hadn't yet in their 23 years of life, why would it now? I know this isn't the case for everyone at Samford but I've just been thinking about my 3.5 years at Samford compared to my 1 year at a state school. The difference is huge, and although I hate that I missed that first year at Samford and I was robbed on 4 years there, and I missed connections and participating in SOSA and the freshman show (new kids on the block) and living in Vail and one less year of stepsing... the list continues. Maybe that brief stint of public college was good for me, maybe not... I guess we'll see in the coming months as I figure out what it means to no longer be a college student.

On that note, I miss classes, I miss studying for tests in the Library. I would give my left leg to have stepsing ruling my life right now. I will say I have loved getting to read whatever I want, thats fun. I just reread the Twilight series, and I'm now starting the Harry Potter series; I have yet to go back to book one and read all the way through so now I'm doing it and I am remembering how much I love these books and these characters.

Thus I will leave you with this.... I love the sorting hat and its songs...

Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,

But don't judge on what you see,

I'll eat myself if you can find

A smarter hat than me.

You can keep your bowlers black,

Your top hats sleek and tall,

For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat

And I can top them all.

There's nothing hidden in your head

The Sorting Hat can't see,

So try me on and I will tell you

Where you out to be.

You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart,

Their daring, nerve and chivalry

Set Gryffindors apart;

You might belong in Hufflepuff,

Where they are just and loyal,

Those patient Hufflepuffs are true

And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,

If you've a steady mind,

Where those of wit and learning,

Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in Slytherin

You'll make your real friends,

Those cunning folk use any means

To achieve their ends.

So put me on! Don't be afraid!

And don't get in a flap!

You're in safe hands (though I have none)

For I'm a thinking Cap!

growing up

2009-01-05T02:38:00.000Z

no one tells you until you close the chapter we call college and are pushed through the door into adulthood.... this transition into the real world and growing up sucks. BOOO!

Christmas time is here

2008-12-21T06:27:00.002Z

I love Christmas I really do. I love the music, and the spirit that seems to magically just show up one day. I love the decorations, the twinkling lights, and the snowflakes, and the glitter. One of my favorite parts of Christmas is the tree (just ask my roommates, we have 2 in our APT), I'm not really sure why, but I've always just loved Christmas trees. I love to look at them. I could sit for hours in the dark just looking at a Christmas tree. When I was younger, on Christmas night after all the presents had been opened and everything was all said and done, I would stay up really late, and wait for everyone in the house to go to sleep. Then I would sneak out of my room, because my dad wouldn't go to bed before I did (still won't), I would sneak into the living room, turn the Christmas tree on and lay down under it and look up at the lights. This is still one of my favorite things to do. After sneaking out in the middle of the night a few years, and realize how peaceful and wonderful this time under the tree was, I started to get inventive... I mean why did I only get to do this once a year. So I'd sneak out a few nights before christmas, and move the presents and then put them back; however this was always tricky because you had to get them back just right or some how mom would know something was up... she just thought we were trying to open them.

Another favorite Christmas tradition is one that started when I moved to Birmingham, so it is still in its early years. I should preface this one with a little tid-bit about me, I love surprises, but what I love about surprises is trying to figure them out... I usually do and I love that more than being surprised. So, the day after I come home, my mom usually still has to be at school, and my dad of course is working, so this leaves brother and I at the house alone.... So we took up the tradition of trying to find the presents. This used to not be an issue, we knew exactly where they were and that we'd never get to see them. The big ones, that the 'rents were real excited about were always in the trunk of Mom's car, there was no chance of getting to them. And the little ones that were going to be wrapped eventually were in my parents closet, I think they thought they were being sneaky but we always knew. Once I started flying home for Christmas these hiding places would no longer work, mainly mom's car, because we'd see when we put my luggage back there. So they had to start being creative.

The first year we did this, probably the best year, the presents were in a storage building that my dad had... so we had to remember which one he had, find the key and go find them. This was one of the last places we looked and took a few days to get to this point. But the victory was super sweet. Last year the presents were in the attic, I really thought they'd be more creative than that ... since they did eventually find out about the search the year before. This year however the joy has been taken away. I don't really like figuring things out if I don't have to work for it, so if a present is just laying around its not near as exciting for me to know as if I have to figure out where it is hidden or what it is. Apparently when I was like 8/9ish I would guess every present before I opened it. This year the presents were sitting the office, as if my room isn't across the hall, as if we're not going to notice giant shopping bags spread across the room. It just was tragic, I've been looking forward to the 'hunt for presents' for weeks now. It is a really good 'bonding time for baby brother and I ... and its lots-o-fun. but alas no fun this year.

Another disappointment, I had been trying to work out my families Christmas present, when I found out it wasn't going to happen yesterday. Just pile on the bummed out. My plan was to wake them up Christmas morning, possibly with a bit of knowledge that at least something was up but not knowing what and then take them to the local homeless shelter to serve breakfast. I found out yesterday that we're not going to be able to do this, apparently we didn't call them soon enough. So hopefully I'll be able to be the first on the list for next year, as I've already requested to be there. I mean I understand they've got people who volunteer there regularly and they are coming, so its a familiar face on Christmas... I see the true value in that, but I was slightly bummed that it wasn't going to work out. If I can pull something like it off in 4 days, in a town I don't remember much about in this aspect I will but things aren't looking hopeful right now.

Things Learned

2008-12-10T13:37:00.001Z

"You are young, you stand before beginnings. I would beg of you, dear friend, as well as I can to have patience with all that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves like locked doors, or like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot be given to you because you could not live them. It is with the question of experiencing everything. You need to live the questions and perhaps you will without even noticing find yourself experiencing the answer some distant day" (Rilke).
I believe in every situation there is an opportunity to learn. And you cannot learn with out asking questions. This semester as I’ve spent time at Jessie’s Place and Family Court I have had to ask tough questions of myself and it is usually when I go home and reflect on my experience at my site each day that I begin to ask questions of myself rather than just of my experience. How would I have handled this situation? Could I be the person taking someone’s kid away from them? How do these people sleep at night, knowing that tomorrow they are defending someone who is obviously guilty? Through the hands on learning environment that my internships have provided me I was allowed to see other people making tough choices, and in tough situations and see how they handle them day after day. I was allowed to think about my reaction to these things so that in the future, when I am the one in their shoes I will be better prepared.
The experience gained through my internships and the questions they have lead me to ask are shaping me into the helping professional I am going to become. Had it not been for these experiences and these questions the next steps of my life and beginning a career would still be waiting for me to figure them out; stepping off the stage at graduation with a diploma in my hand would be the first time I asked these questions and maybe I wouldn’t be asking the same questions because I would not know what to ask. The transition into the real world would be so much more of a mystery and more difficult to walk toward.
In my first day at Jessie’s Place, I was given a tour of the facility the way I looked at the rooms as I walked down the hallway that first day is very different from how I see them now. When I first saw the rooms, I saw how simple they were, how generic and honestly dirty they looked. I saw rooms with 4 beds in them and how the space was divided for 4 women to live in this one room that is no bigger than the bedroom I live in by myself. I saw so little of an opportunity for privacy. I couldn’t imagine having to live in them. Now I walk down that same hallway, I look in those same rooms and I see the hope they provide for the women, the warm blanket they wouldn’t have otherwise (no matter how ugly and dirty it looks, it keeps them warm). I see the community they have created and their lives that are interwoven together, as they work together to overcome the obstacles they face daily.
Every day at Family Court I encounter new people, I’ve seen women who have left Jessie’s Place and are now working to regain custody of their children, I’ve seen teenagers who refuse to go to school, I’ve seen children who look like they just rolled around in a pile of dirt and snot, and I’ve seen teenagers on trial for murder. As I walk through the waiting area each day, with new eyes looking at me, and new faces to see; I get the same looks and I get the same questions as the day before. I am dressed well, I walk through the waiting area with confidence, and I talk to the staff as I go, because of this I am viewed as someone who must be able to help them. Maybe I’ll be the one person that finally gives them some answers as they wait to hear what is happening in the courtroom or in the lawyer’s deliberations. I right now am in no position to be able to answer their questions, unless its where’s the bathroom, but I am on a path where I will one day be able to. Through my internship at Family Court I was able to see the blessings I have been given, in a matter of days I will have a college degree. With a new understanding of the gifts I’ve been given, I see the responsibilities that I have; with great privilege comes great responsibility. Because I have been educated, and will continue my education, I have an obligation to speak for those that can’t, to help people who were born into a life and into circumstances that they don’t understand. I know and have seen the people that are out there working the system and I hope to be able to bring justice to them, but my hope is to fight for those who the system is working, who just can’t seem to get on their feet alone, the people who’ve been given up on.
My time spend at Family Court has been a learning experience of the journey people have taken through law school. As I begin to prepare for this phase of my life, it was helpful to see people who have gotten through and how they accomplished this. I was able to talk with lawyers about the process of getting into Law School, which is very helpful as it can be very confusing. I’ve also been able to build up a network of people that I can ask questions and advice of as I walk through the process of getting into and beginning law school.
Through working at both Jessie’s Place and Family Court I have been able to learn a variety of advocacy skills. The advocacy skills I have learned are primarily for homeless women and children and juveniles that are in trouble with the law; however, these skills can easily be transferred and are a stepping stone to working with many other types of clients that I may come in contact with as I begin working. These skills are shaping the professional that I will become, and are skills that I will carry with me throughout my entire career.
In both of my internships I have learned about working directly with people. People who are very different from me, as well as people who aren’t so different from me. I have learned about and experienced relationships, with people from all walks of life. I have learned that you have to allow relationships time to develop, when working with people you cannot force them to trust you and to listen to you; you have to earn their trust and you have to allow them the opportunity to make the choice to listen and trust. I have had to opportunity learn about working in diversity, because of this I have developed an awareness of my own culture and how it affects me. Your culture becomes a part of how you think as you grown up, and until I interact with other cultures and people who have been raised differently that I was, I am unable to fully understand my own culture.
This semester I have learned a great deal about communicating and collaborating with clients, volunteers, my peers and the staff at my agencies. This is a vital key to success in the professional realm, you have to collaborate with people outside your agency to gain resources and volunteers, you have to collaborate with other agencies to effectively help your target population, and you have to communicate and collaborate effectively with your fellow staff members to better be able to serve your clients. My internship gave me the opportunity to practice these skills and learn as I watched other people using them.
As a helping professional I will be asked to fulfill a variety of roles, for my agency as well as my clients. I have been able to gain an understanding of some of the roles I might be asked to fill as well as how to fill them.
In Dr. Davis’ Family Life Education Class we discussed relational ethics and one of the primary elements is that, relationships are the context in which we interpret what we do. This has been very apparent to me through out my internship experience. Everything we do as a helping professional is and needs to be done through the context of our relationships. An example of this is the Family Life Education workshop I taught at Jessie’s Place, had I not spend the semester building a relationship with the women and learning about their lives I would not have been able to teach on finances and budgeting and been received well. However because I had learned where the women struggled and had gained their trust and respect I was able to help them learn about budgeting and gain confidence that once they leave Jessie’s Place they will be able to do this on their own. I was able to take the knowledge I had learned in my courses at Samford and teach it so that it was specific to the needs of the women surrounding me.
Through out this semester I have been faced with a lot of ethical issues and learning boundaries of working with people. I had a few women at Jessie’s Place that asked me to come and visit them at work, and while I was glad to see them doing well in their job, honored that they’d ask me, and I wanted to see them succeeding; I had to make sure they understood I wouldn’t act like I knew them unless they began the interaction. I also to make them aware that they would be the one to define the relationship; how I knew them to their co-workers, so if they just want to say we’re friends or if they wanted to tell them that I was the intern at the homeless shelter they lived at.
While I was doing my internship at Jessie’s Place I was also preparing to teach my Family Life Education workshop there was well, when we would discuss trips we made to Jessie’s Place for FLE in class I had to constantly remind the girls in my group that we couldn’t say names or give too many details to situations because we were not respecting the privacy of the women at Jessie’s Place. Through this I was reminded how easy it is to accidentally share too much information, and how careful you must be when you are talking about “work”, when work is people’s lives.
Another ethical issue I came into contact with this semester was that I was able to sit in on intakes and to read client files at Jessie’s Place, because of this I learned a lot about the women, their past and some medical conditions. I had to interact with the women as if I did not know this information, because they hadn’t shared it with me. For example a few of the women were suffering from mental illnesses, which made a lot of the conversations and interactions I had with them make sense, however I could not interact with them any differently than I had before I knew. There was another woman who had a lot of credit card debt, I knew this from her file, one day she approached me and brought up her past debt which allowed us to talk a lot about credit cards, I could not have had this conversation with her until she brought it up, however valuable it was to me as I prepared my teaching plan for the workshop I taught. I also had to be very careful how I explained different things that had been happening at Jessie’s Place to my FLE group, because I had information ‘volunteers’ should not know about the women, and they knew I had information and wanted to know it.
I think the most valuable thing I will take away from my experience in my internships is something I had to do within myself, I had to break the stereotype that I had build in my mind. The main stereotype I had to break was of homeless women; I have grown up with my parents viewing homeless people as people who are lazy, who are ‘working the system’, who don’t deserve help until they help themselves, that they could not be homeless and poor if they didn’t want to be. I had to construct a positive view of human nature and people’s capacity to change. This could not have been done until I sat down and had my first conversation with one of the women at Jessie’s Place. I have been raised in a culture that basically believes people are homeless because they want to be. Now having spent time with these women and having learned their individual stories, I realize that that is not the case. Some of them did get there by poor decision-making; some of them have been through terrible situations. But I had to break the stereotype in my mind that said they were lazy and didn’t want to change, the reason they are at Jessie’s Place and participating in the program and following their rules is because they want to change and it is a daily struggle for them. I was not going to be able to help, or minister to these women until I did not view them this way. As our book suggested on page 146 I had to listen to clients with an attitude of openness and respect which is perhaps the most important thing I could do to overcome cultural barriers in my helping relationships. I had to learn to recognize the strengths of their culture, background, and situations instead of focusing solely on their needs.
There are still so many questions that I have and will have but I’ve learned to appreciate waiting to experience the answers until I am ready for them. As I eagerly wait at the starting point of my future, there is so much that I want to do, so many people I want to help and so much for me to experience. The words of President-Elect Obama are running through my head, “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek”. However as I have seen through my experience this semester in my internships, I still have so much to learn and there are still many avenues that I will walk down before I find my fit in making a difference in people’s lives. But I need to be open and aware of each relationship and each person in my life because there is something to learn from each of them and questions that may be answered with every experience.

Thoughts on December

2008-12-06T17:46:00.003Z

I'm taking a cue from Andy and doing some thoughts on the month, only I think many will turn out to be thoughts on life.... either way they are thoughts.

It has almost been one year since I came back to the US. How has time flown so quickly? I mean I feel like I should still be in Salzburg, Austria sitting in the Yoho Hostel, meeting fascinating people over a dinner of chunks of potatoes. I had so much time between me and the real world, so much fun to have, so many things to do and accomplish. And now I see that I have done all of that the people I met along my life journey have helped to shape me into who I am.

I don't ever listen to the radio... but I wanted to listen to Christmas music yesterday and I didn't have any on my ipod, so I turned on the radio to that station that plays all Christmas music. And this song comes on, its about this little boy who is buying his mom a pair of shoes. He is clearly a child living in poverty, he pays in pennies, and he is rambling on to the clerk about why he's buy these shoes. And its sweet, mom always made Christmas special for us even if it meant she didn't have anything, you know. Then the clerk says there isn't enough, and he turns to the guy behind him and just is simply saying what do I do and the guy behind him pays the rest. Well this is all sweet and to a normal person a tear jerker.... but the little boys mom is dying and he wants her to look pretty when she meets Jesus. Lets just say I was a babbling idiot of tears driving down Lakeshore yesterday. I mean I'm already on a constant state of tears, what with all the professors and the speeches that consisted of "you've accomplished so much", and the "you're ready for the real world", "treasure the people and the things you've learned here". OMG. I cried at the end of a class too. I just can't handle it. And if you know me there are 5 things I hate to do and crying is in the top 2 of those 5. (I shared this story with a friend of mine and he mocked me for not knowing this song, apparently its been around a long time... oopsie)

And now I think the actually point to that story, as I'm visualizing the face of this little boy all of the sudden its the faces of the kids I've worked with at Jessie's Place. That was when I really lost it. And I realized I need to be working with children living in poverty.... now I just need to find that place and convince them to hire me.

I really don't think the Christmas season can officially start for me until I'm standing on Centennial Way, singing carols with the rest of Samford, listening to Andy tell the Christmas story, and hearing Twas the night before Christmas at Samford. The star lights up on the Library, bell tower... then the rest of the lights come on and then.... the tree, our beautiful tree. I love it. You're huddled together with your friends and its just wonderful. And then you all go warm up in Harry's with the free Hot Chocolate and sing more Carols. It really didn't seem like Christmas time until that happened. But now.... its full force. I LOVE christmas music, I love Christmas. WONDERFUL! ;)

This world is a big place. Its strange how big it is, yet how small it is. I mean we're so connected to the rest of the world. I can't imagine living when you couldn't instantly talk to someone halfway across the world. Or even 1000 miles away. It just doesn't seem like that ever really could happen.

Last night I was hanging out with my friends and some times we play "would you rather" and after about 30 minutes the questions start to get ridiculous. The most ridiculous one of the night (don't be offended, no one was serious).... this was more a You have to do pick one or the consequences are too dire to even mention right now... You have to choose an entire ethnicity (and redneck doesn't count... they have to have an established nation) to annihilate who would it be and why. The rationales got pretty interesting. That is what 3 am and no sleep all week does to college kids.

I finished and submitted my FINAL Senior Thesis/Research last night. I've been working on this project for a year, and its done. And it is great. Now all I have to do is present it to my peers and professors. The whole thing just makes me feel more adult, which I suppose is good since I'm about to be a real one of those.

I've been thinking about relationships and people a lot lately.

2008-12-03T02:03:00.003Z

This is one of a few things I've been working on....

http://education.samford.edu/eportflio/Portflios/TiffanyAllen2008

too legit to quit! ;)

Some of it posted strangely, I'm working to fix that!

1 more presentation, 2 more papers, 3 days of class, 5 finals and thats it! That's all she wrote. Some times I feel like this is all I talk about, but I suppose since I that's all thats one my mind it makes sense.

I sent my resume out to 8 places today.... let the Job Search Commence.

I've done a lot of thinking about the past year recently.... I'm sure this will all be posted soon, once I can not sound like a babbling idiot when I say it.

The Book of Life

2008-12-01T01:53:00.004Z

So I think I just realized, like really realized, that in 2 weeks I'm done with College. I can't go back and do it again. I'm never going to get this 'phase' of my life back. Adulthood and grown-up-ness is on the horizon for me. I have to end a wonderful chapter of my life, and open a new one. There is no option to this, no turning around and trying again. Now in my short life all of these forced chapters like this have opened to more school (for the most part). I mean I didn't want to leave Elementary School, I liked it there it was happy and fun and you got to go to recess. But then I went to Jr. High and I liked that too there was freedom and you changed classrooms a whole lot, and you got to hang out with people at your locker for like a whole minute between classes and then the time came to leave that too and I didn't want that to end either. And then High School, now I know some people hated high school but, I loved it. It was fun, it was EASY! Your problems were so simple, and no one really expected that much of you, I mean you were a teenager what all could you do. And then Senior year came and it flew by and we all said goodbye to our friends and headed on to make new ones. A lot of us in places away from our hometown, where everything was new. And well that was awesome too, and I have made some wonderful friendships. And now as I close this chapter I for a little bit will have a few life chapters with out school. The idea of not going to buy books in January and not spending every night in the Harwell Goodwin sounds great. But I will greatly miss it. I'm thankful for those that have just begun this journey, or have already done it, that will be able to coach and guide me through it.

I think this next chapter is just scary because it holds so many unknowns. I mean life has always been pretty laid out as to what is coming next. After pre-school is kindergarten, .... after high school is college but there is nothing laid out for this chapter. There are so many options and so much of life to explore and figure out on my own. I'm excited about the challenge but I also hear the first 6 months suck... I've had enough "life sucking" for the past year couldn't I skip that part?

ps. I've gone back and read a whole lot of my posts and I rarely re-read before I post so there are a lot of typos... I apologize, I'll try to get better at that.

the end is near

2008-11-25T17:22:00.003Z

I submitted my completed draft of my Senior Thesis/Research.... which means that I will make a few changes based on what my advisor says, but I'M DONE!

I have now completed all major requirements that would hinder graduating. Which means, they officially can't take it away now. (not that I'd complain too much if they did.) It was a strange feeling to hit the submit button last night and feel the 80 lb weight lift off of me. Now all I have to do is find a big girl job.... right now easier said than done.

I feel like the story of Romeo and Juliet has continuously come into my conversations, and life ... I think I'm going to read that this week while I've got some spare time on my hands.

The current 'to do' list I'm working off of, has so many check marks and things marked off and so little left on it, I don't know how to take that. The idea that I actually go everything done is amazing, and sad because it means its almost all over.

Its Turkey week. I had Thanksgiving with my London Family this weekend, I love the feeling when we all get in a room together. It really feels like my family finally is all back together and we can celebrate. That group of 17 people means more to me than I think I even know right now, and I'm so thankful for the time I got to spend with them and for being blessed to even know them.

lists, lists, lists

2008-11-13T23:13:00.004Z

My life is one big list, so why shouldn't this post be one too?

1. Graduation t-29 days and counting.

2. I'm sad for this semester to be ending, because it means my internships are ending and I really enjoy them. Hopefully I can still go visit some next semester.

3. I don't think I believe that they are going to let me graduate... I mean I'm not engaged isn't that reason enough not to let it happen. ;) I've never known a life where I don't go to school, I don't think I'm going to like it. Good thing its only for 1.5 years or less.

4. we started decorating for Christmas in our Apartment... its WONDERFUL!

5. I'm staying in B'ham for Thanksgiving... I don't know how I feel about that yet.

6. my "eportfolio" is turning out to be totally legit. When its done and online I'll post a link.

7. I'm going to Tallahassee this weekend! but its supposed to be super cold, boo!

8. I'm a year older. Each year birthdays get more and more strange. I feel old. I think 23 just sounds old. It could be that I turned 23 and in a month I graduate so all that adulthood junk is really getting thrown in my face.

9. I've been visiting a new church. I think I really like it, but its hard to leave the other. But this one offers a sense of community the other never had, its so close to my apartment. And I really think the people are just precious.

10. I'm running a 5k in a little over a week... I haven't been running in like a month...oopsie.

11. I've been sick a lot recently. I don't like it.

12. I'm really not a fan of this phase of life. All your friends are moving, and getting married and our lives are separating a little bit. Its sad.

13. I ordered graduation announcements... not the lame ones from the school, but super cute ones. I can't wait to get them in my hands.

14. Some times I'm convinced I'm adopted. I mean I'm so opposite from both my parents and my brother its strange. I've felt like this all of my life. The way I think and the way they think are so different, I mean that has to be genetic and I have to have gotten it from somewhere else. Maybe my mom wasn't kidding when she told me I was the milk man's kid.

15. I might, possibly, maybe have a crush. I don't like this. I don't know what to do with this. boo!

16. I've been really music obsessed lately. I wish I had a job so I could afford to buy new music instead of just hoping what I wants pops up on pandora.

election thoughts

2008-11-05T16:23:00.002Z

I'll start with just a few thoughts I have had since watching CNN last night...

118,747,361 people voted in 2008

62,100,082 people voted in 2004

that means that 56,647,279 more people voted in 2008 than in 2004. Thats incredible!!!

A nation of the people, by the people and for the people. I think we've forgotten about this, but this is where our country started and should never move away from.

I'm not sure how you could have watched Barack's speech last night and not been inspired, and given a renewed hope for America's future.

I thought it was very important and very interesting that Barack last night addressed the people who didn't vote for him, and reminded them that he is "their president too", so he'll be listening to their voices too.

Let's talk about McCain's Concession Speech last night. One, I'm proud of his speech, this is probably the best speech he's ever done. I felt like he was honest and this was the first time I watched him and felt the honesty he had behind his words. However, I was APPALLED by the McCain supporters. I would be embarrassed to associate myself with them after last night. I could not believe they booed in the middle of the speech, they chanted McCain's name... they had nothing to gain from this. I wish they could have listened to what McCain was actually saying. And it wasn't only the people at the rally, the McCain supporters at my election party had the same reactions, they made horribly rude comments during Obama's Speech, and then the facebook status waterfall of horrible comments. The world has not ended and will not end because of a new president.

In watching the two speeches, a very distinct difference, that I somewhat just referenced. The McCain supporters at the rally and around the country versus the Obama supporters (again at the rally and around the country). The Obama supporters chants and statements made in the last 12 (ish) hours were "YES WE CAN" not Obama's name, not anything about a party, or a single person making change. It is about us as a country coming together to make change, and to bring America up to where it could be as a country. The greatness it can achieve, and the hope that it can afford its people.

I have never been interested in the news, or politics, or keeping up with what's going on in the world. I've had the attitude of just let it happen, what is going to happen is going to happen. However, I could not wait to watch the news this week, I stat mesmerized in front of the television last night, abandoning my studies for a few hours, waiting to see what America had in store for its future. I saw my peers, a generation who has been as apathetic as myself joining in the campaign, watching with the same interest I had, discussing and taking pride in the fact that they VOTED. My generation, myself included, have always been very apathetic about politics; we couldn't see our voices being heard, we couldn't see our efforts making a difference. But last night we did. We saw what could happen when we ban together and use our voices, for those that can't, for our country, for those that are scared to use them. We saw what we could do and now we are interested. We want to see what is going to happen and how we can be a part of it. This is now not just a country we've grown up in, and where our citizenship lies; it is OUR country, where we have a chance to make a difference, where we can take pride in our efforts to help those less fortunate than ourselves, a country we can love and affect, a country in which things will not get better unless we speak up, where our voice matters. I think not only is this a historic election because of who was elected, but also I think and I hope that the apathy of my generation is beginning to be broken as we realize the potential and opportunities we have for affecting this nation.

lately

2008-10-24T02:41:00.002+01:00

So I've been doing an internship at a homeless shelter. The first few times I was terrified, what am I going to talk about with these women, do we have anything in common? I hate small talk. I think I walked in thinking about what I could offer them, what I could teach them. and then I started watching them, and not trying to find ways to force a conversation but just learning where they work and what they do in their free time.

I've been able to sit in on their bible studies, and listen to the things God is doing in their lives. I walked through the living room yesterday and found two of them studying their bibles. And I had to stop where I was standing and realize how complacent I've become in my relationship with God, I know he's there. I've hit rock bottom, and he was there, but why is it that when things are going well, we put our relationship with God on the back burner. I mean life doesn't get that bad very often, I am blessed.

Tonight when I left one of the little girls who has won my heart had just been hugging me and holding me as tightly as she possibly could for the past five minutes, cried when I handed her off to her mom. It was heart breaking. This precious 4 year old little girl has seen so much of life in her 4 short years. She wants someone to be able to just sit and tell her how wonderful she is, and that wants nothing more to hear about school today. But her reality (I'm not saying her Mom is not a wonderful person and doing the best she can) is she comes to the shelter after school and her mom is coming home after a long hard day at a job that I'll be honest I wouldn't even consider working. She's been on her feet all day, she doesn't know how to discipline very well, she just wants her little girl to like her and not thing she's mean. She wants to hold her and love her. I wish for a better life for her. All that to say, I think one of the things I'm going to start looking for opportunities to teach both of them and encourage them in their life. The won't be at the shelter forever at some point they've got to become self sufficient. I want them to be as prepared as they possibly can be.

I love getting to be a part of the women's lives and I'm looking forward to going back in and learning something else, and seeing God move.

things to come

2008-10-03T04:20:00.001+01:00

I'm thinking about joining the Team in Training for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

More to come on that, but I'd just thought I'd share what I've been thinking a lot about lately.

2008-10-01T05:15:00.003+01:00

This semester is still a mystery to me. I have time on my hands, but theoretically I shouldn't. I feel busy, but there are several times that I find myself bored.

I don't spend a few hours every day in the Library, I actually haven't spend any hours in the library. I'm sure my table is wondering where I went, I bet someone else sits there and thinks its their table.

I can pretty easily float by, I just don't know how to handle that.

Semester after semester I can't seem to find enough hours to get everything done. I think not working as often during the day is part of this so I feel like I have more time when I get to the night and I don't have to slave away over my homework.

I really can't believe how its all playing out. I looked at and I think picked out my graduation announcements today. I feel like yesterday I was slaving away trying to get my high school graduation announcements out while applying to colleges and deciding where to go, what to major in. Now all of that is over, and I did so much more than I ever thought.

Lets play a game...

2008-09-21T07:22:00.007+01:00

The name of the game is One Year ago Today....

One year ago today I began what would be the craziest weekend adventure of my life. We call that weekend "A Journey to find a Cab." You should read it. The morning we left for Northern Ireland was an adventure and our first outside of England, we had a lot to learn. But looking back the chasing down a cab at 2:30 am, and then realize I've left my cell phone and flight and train confirmation numbers on the

table where I signed us out at 2:30 am. (Trust me after that we all ALWAYS had 3 copies of our flight info on us.) We learned to actually pay attention to what station our train left from and when the tube lines were open and closed.

That weekend was wonderful. We hiked Giants Causway, attempted to find the 20,000 puffins while we made up songs about puffins, we got in the North Sea (per a requirement of the boys to touch it), we went to the next city based on what some guy on a train told us to do, saw Atonement, and we almost rented a car.

I can't believe that a year ago I was in London, it seems very surreal. I can't believe how nervous I was about living in the house with 18 strangers, that are now some of my closest friends and I have no idea how I lived with out. There is so much I didn't know a year ago, there is so much I hadn't seen. There is still so much to know and to see.

I might be going back to London for Jan term, we'll see how it plays out. However I did start, seriously looking at Grad Schools in the UK, I mean why not. And I have a meeting next week to talk with our International Studies Office, to get some advice on moving to, and going to grad school in the UK. That's terrifying and wonderful, and too good to be true all at the same time.

I guess the Journey to Find a Cab is still somewhat continuing in my life. I'm not looking for a cab right now, but I'm still on a Journey for something, and right now I don't know how or when I'll find it (I don't even know what it is). I just know that I have to find it, my next adventure is waiting on me to find it.

Oh the Places You'll go

2008-09-03T00:44:00.002+01:00

I've started the second week of school. My last semester. I think that means I'm supposed to have some answers, What's next? What do I want to do? But I don't. There are so many things I could do. So many passions I have, so many ways my gifts and talents could be used. But what do I do with all of that? I'm sure there is some way that it all will fit together and it will be magical.

I caught myself thinking and complaining that there were so many options, so many things I could do. It made making a decision hard. And I had to stop myself and listen to what I was thinking. I was getting frustrated that I've been given so much. That I have options. It was so easy to complain, about this, about being given gifts and talents. Honestly I need to be thankful. Seriously. I had food to eat for dinner, some people don't have that. I have the resources, and a brain to go to school, and get an education, and I will get to continue my education... when I decide what I want to do. I get to make choices, some people only have one option, or maybe no option at all.

Somewhere along my life, I was told, Attitude is a choice, I can choose to look at the bright side, and choose to be happy and thankful. Or I can not. But its my choice. So today, I'm choosing to be thankful for the resources, and options I have.

camp life update

2008-07-11T23:18:00.003+01:00

6 camps down, 3 to go.

It's all down hill now.

4 camps in 8 days, bring it on. 7000 campers, give me a challenge. Registering 220 churches in one day, any time.

There are moments during the summer when I ask myself why am I doing this. Why did I sign up for this for a 3rd time? When you are -100 beds for a camp.... thats a moment when this happens. Nametags, why would I put myself through that again. ;) But last night I got to sit in the middle of a room where God was at work in 7000 campers hearts, and I was given to opportunity to just sit and watch. And that was a moment for me where I simply said, "oh yeah! this is why I'm here."

ryan started the fire!

2008-06-27T05:38:00.008+01:00

Some times I just think a lot. I really want to go back to London. I miss it terribly. I just can't believe that I was give the opportunities that I was. One year ago, I was terrified of what was to come, yet terribly excited. I had yet to go to amazing places I'd only dreamed of. One year ago, I was planning what to pack, and what I had to buy, and how much I could do during the summer because I was saving. It was actually in Padre last year that I decided to order my camera that I would then be taken around the world, and would be attached to me for 4 incredible months.
How was I to know that 4 months with 18 amazing people would change my life. I didn't but OMG what I would do to get it back. This is also about the time that they emailed me my flight itinerary and it suddenly became real, registering for classes, a few meetings, paying, that all happens every semester... but getting a plane itinerary, knowing that on August 26th you are beginning an adventure in Europe, but that on Dec 10 you have to be back, makes it real.

Tonight, like a saint Justin came and took my place on camera during the sermon so I got to just sit and listen. I had no idea where they were looking in the Bible, I just kinda got to sit relax and listen to whatever I picked up. All of the sudden Greg has the students say,

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

and then they repeated it 2 more times. It got me a little bit. I'm not alone in battles, God will fight for me, its just hard to remember that some times. Although he shows it every time, and in every tough situation, he is there, I now just need to remember in those times, that "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14
I've made some big decisions lately, there will be more on them to come. But I say that to say I couldn't have made them with out some of the amazing people that surround me this summer. Who knew that story time with Tiffany would lead to all this support? This is also the first summer that I've worked where people are actually awake in van rides instead of sleeping the entire way.... its fantastic.

So we've been a little busy....

2008-06-21T05:58:00.002+01:00

I love my team. There isn't one person that I just don't like and want to run away from. We bonded quickly. We hit some stride or something very early and we've just been able to run with it. Because of this we don't have to help each other with their jobs, we want to help people with their jobs. It's been a huge blessing. I'm dreading the goodbye in front of the office come August. We don't have anyone who will hook up at the end of the summer so that took away what could have been potentially awkward situations or just drama. We all have this feeling of ok we can hang out and get to know each other, and those of us who are huggers, �can hug and know nothing but our friendship and family-hood are coming from it. We can really be honest about our lives and share a lot and just be real. This is the first team that I've been on that we've been this real, this early. We just kinda laid it on the table from day one and said lets go. Its fantastic. I couldn't ask for anything better. A lot of us are around the same stage of life. Some of us the exact same, its amazing to see how we got put together.
As for camp, this past week has been a blessing. Although it was a beast of a week, because we were doing 2 camps at the same time; we had an amazing band leading worship and a fantastic camp pastor. Both that really invested in our staff. They took a lot of time to hang out and get to know us. It was really encouraging after our last 2 weeks. It was an exhausting week that started when we left for the worship center every morning at 6:30 and ended around 12, with no stopping in-between. But it really was a great week. I loved being able to see God move in the lives of our students, and seeing how he worked in completely different ways in the 2 services (we did the same exact thing, but it was always different) it was amazing. It was also a time for us to do our job and figure out what was going on in the first service, but then we got to actually take a breath in the second one. I'm actually looking forward doing it again this time.
For awhile we kept going what's it going to be today, first week it was tornadoes, and evacuating students in the middle of the night. Second week, we had to deal with a fire marshall, and some other random things that went along with it. And then we walked into our third camp knowing the challenge ahead of time, 2 camps at a time. I will say though that our personalities aren't the greatest this week, we've already had our speaker once and he is not doing a single thing differently so the fact that we've got him 4 times a day isn't so great. But we do have fantastic concert artists this week and we love them.

God's been teaching me a lot about forgiveness lately. I know why. And I'm working on that.
Forgiveness sets you free. I know this, I've told students this over and over and over again. But it is so much easier to say to them than to do it in your own life. I mean how do I know while I'm removed from the situation and real life if its true, if I really do mean it. But I've got to be free of this, the path to healing is marked with forgiveness. If I'm striving to be like Jesus, Jesus forgave; and I can't keep this with me. I know that I still need to give forgiveness to some people, God reminds me constantly about it, that I need to work towards that, that its an important part of the healing process. God's really been working on me this week and I've gotten to this point where, it's easy for me to say right now I forgive you. I don't have to see you, I don't have to interact except through things (i.e. text, facebook, email). But I don't know if I can say I forgive you and know if I really mean it come August when camp is gone, when the support of my team isn't standing with me literally, and I'm thrown back into the real world where its not so easy. I can already feel the weight of this lifting by just being able to being comprehending this much and sharing it.
I've also come to this point where I know that I can't promise a friendship come August, but I'm praying that by then I can forgive you and be done with this. Its also been huge for me to realize that just because I forgive someone doesn't mean I have to be buddy buddy with them or go back to where I thought we were come August.
I'm going to be honest that as much as I wanted and needed camp to come, and I don't think I would have made it if camp hadn't come; it does make an actual healing process harder because I am so removed from the real world and the situation. Although it has also aided in that I've had an amazing team to just talk with and they've come along side me and my life has brought us closer. There are 3 of us girls that went through crap at the exact same time, and it has been amazing for us to sit and tell our stories and help each other, to give updates constantly and just to really be able to share real life.

It was reading tonight and both of these kinda slapped me in the face and well I'm learning....

14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. - Matthew 6.14-15

38"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.'^[g] 39But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. - Matthew 5.38-42

3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. - Matthew 7.3-5

It's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language that you can't read just yet

2008-05-14T15:18:00.002+01:00

I just found out from my mom, (who waited until after my final this morning to tell me) that my Granddad had a heart attack yesterday and is currently having triple bypass surgery as I type this.

I don't really think I know how to handle this right now. But all I can think right now is that no one is sitting with my Grandma holding her hand through this. My parents are at work. Personally, I don't care what the statistics are if my husband of 47 years is having surgery, I want someone to hold my hand while I wait. I think really don't know how to handle this because I am so far away, because I haven't seen any of my family since Christmas. But I talked to my Granddad last week on the phone, as he told me how proud he was of me, and he had already put my graduation on the Calendar and couldn't wait to watch me walk across that stage.

I find it interesting that I've been so worried about my dramatic life, and getting an A on a final or in classes. And this has been happening. Its so much bigger. So much more important. It is just interesting how focused and single track minded on things sometimes that we forget what is really important in life and just how much of a blessing it is to simply be breathing and able to take a final. Able to have conflict with someone.

I guess I'm saying that, I'm taking today, (despite my massive final tomorrow) to really be thankful for the people in my life and the life around me. I don't need to stress about my final, I've got it - if I don't know this by now, I'm not going to really know it in the morning. (this doesn't mean I won't be slaving away in the library tonight, but you know). I just want to celebrate the life and people in my life that I've been given.

and in other news, I'm thoroughly enjoying the new Death Cab album!

intimacy

2008-05-12T02:06:00.002+01:00

An interesting tid-bit of life is that intimacy progresses based on our perceptions of interactions, not on the interaction itself. When I look at my life this statement based on the Social Penetration Theory makes things so much clearer. A lot of things in life you may understand or perceive peoples intentions and that is what you base where your level of intimacy should go, or where it is. You pull back, you run away as fast as you can, you dive deeper, you stay where you are for now. So much of life is not based on interaction itself, but on how each person perceives it and chooses to move from there.

Once life happens it can never be the same again, that’s a hard concept to grasp. I can’t have Aqua 07 again, but I can make the best of the time I will have with Aqua 08. I can’t go back to a place where old relationships were; I can’t relieve those times. But I can take what I’ve learned from them and use that in my future.

I have a love hate relationship with graduation. I love that you get to move to the next chapter of your life, that things change and it gives you a chance to make choices for your life. But it takes people away, it means you have to make tough choices and you are becoming more and more of a grown up.

It’s hard to watch people you’ve loved become different people that you don’t want to be with. It’s hard when you’ve realized this has happened. It’s even harder when you can’t seem to get away from it. Some how it constantly follows you almost haunts you. What do you do with that? Maybe I’m not really prepared for life, or maybe I such at relationships… both things I think I would have been aware of before now I mean almost 23 years of my life has gone by and I’m just learning that. That’s odd.

I don’t know what I’d do with out some relationships in my life, but I’m not terrified of screwing them up. I don’t want to hurt these people. If I’m the problem, I don’t want them to have to go through pain because of me. I don’t want to be that self-deprecating person, but really lately I’ve just felt like I am the problem, and if I wasn’t’ in people’s lives it would be better for them.

I have a tough week ahead of me. A lot of things need to be decided and a lot of things have to be done. I don’t know how its going to happen.

is it true?

2008-05-04T20:14:00.003+01:00

have you ever thought that maybe I just can't communicate to you. That I need to feel that you actually care about me as a person before I spill my life and guts to you. Maybe I have to deal with myself, and personal crap issues but I wouldn't be here if life hadn't played out like it did since spring break. or maybe since I came back to America. I can tell some people everything, and I know myself and I can feel the support and love in our relationship I know anything I say is safe. I can say my feelings and they understand and I know they are there for me. Some how what I want to say comes out. Others no matter what I say they don't understand it, they don't agree, so I've learned not waste my time with them. I feel like my relationship with adam and mine with brooke have fallen into the second category. And no matter what I do tell them, they don't get it... they don't want to. But they keep pushing thinking I'm not telling you things, or I'm not being honest with my feelings. When in fact they don't want to hear it. They don't want to believe it.
Some how they've got the idea that if they ask the right questions in the right way, I'll change how I feel and change my mind. I'M NOT GOING TO! I feel how I feel. I have denied owning my feelings for weeks. and when I finally do, you don't like it, you can't handle it.

I'm also not going to share things I don't feel people want to know. I'm sorry. I'm not just going to throw all my junk out there and go with it. If you want to hear it I'll know that, and it will come out. the end.

I'm sick of dealing with this drama. and feeling like its all my fault. I'm done with not liking myself and thinking everything is my fault. I talk to both of you and I still feel its my fault. I still feel blamed. You can blame me, you can hate me. I can't keep up life like this.

I learned a lot about myself and who I am while I was in London. I think that has hindered some of my friendships once I came back. They didn't know how to read me, they didn't understand what I was saying anymore. I don't think they even wanted to talk anymore. I'm banned from talking about London and traveling. I was banned after like a week. I didn't even get a chance to talk about it.

Why do we keep going in circles? I feel like we're having the same conversation over and over again and nothing but more hurt is happening. nothing is getting solved. nothing is getting better. I feel worse for making everyone else hurt and upset. I should have just kept it bottled up and found a way to deal with it. I'm so terribly sorry. I feel like a horrible person for it.

For an Optimist I've been pretty Pessimistic

2008-05-03T07:14:00.002+01:00

Life has sucked for the last little bit. So much that I can't even find the energy to blog it most days. For a while I'd check blogger, start something and I couldn't finish.

I had a good day for the first time in I can't even remember how long. I left my apt at like 8:40 for class and came back for lunch and then I went to work and I didn't come back until well after midnight. All this to say, I didn't see my roommate. I didn't talk to her. However I did come home and she was in the living room with Joe*. They were once again cuddling on the couch, and I stupidly walked in in all confidence that because I'd had such a good day it wasn't going to shake me. I walk in the door. See them, and freeze. My chest is pounding. My head is saying drop your bags and run out. Leave. don't come back until later. So I just stand there. I think Joe started talking about whatever the crap they were watching. But I didn't hear a word of it, but I'm pretty sure, I did say mhmmm, in all the right places. Then all of the sudden after what felt like an hour of telling my feet to move, but was in reality like 3 minutes, they moved. I went straight to my room where I have remained since. I let some of those tears that I thought I didn't have any more of out.

And here I sit. On my bed, not tired. but I'm not moving either.

I just don't know what to do in this situation any more. Is this a point where you say, find a new roommate, I'm out? Is this the point that I've got to find all new friends? Is this the point I say I'll still live here, but you continue this and I won't hang out. If my some miracle it moves to a wedding I won't be there. I don't think anyone is prepared to handle this. And I hope many people don't have to even think about dealing with this. Because no matter what they tell you in Interpersonal Communication, its not the same as any "normal" conflict. This is so much different. Well maybe it just feels so much different, you expect other kinds of conflict but you never expect this from 2 of your best friends.

I wrote my roommate, Molly, a note explaining all my feelings and frustrations and pain. A large part of me wants to leave it at that. I said what I needed to, and I don't want to go any farther into pain. But there is some small part of me that wonders if we'll ever work this out. What our relationship and lives will look like in 5 years. even 1 year.

Noel, I will try very hard to be better. Remind me, and once I'm back in the habit we're golden.

I will say I'm sick of being a pessimist. and I miss people. I don't want to feel this way any more.

Real what does that even mean....

2008-04-11T03:21:00.002+01:00

I hate that this has become a place where I just kind of rant when I'm having a bad day. I'm going to try to be better at that. I miss blogging a whole lot.

So anyways I guess back to the typical rant.... I some times feel like I shouldn't have even gone to London. Some days thats all I want to talk about, it was a life changing experience, I was more myself there than I think I've ever been. All of the "Samford expectations" (thanks Jen) are gone and you just get to know your housemates and people around the city. Its amazing. You don't think about who you tell things to and what you tell them. In my case you had 18 people and so you just poored your heart out to who ever was in the house and would listen. And it didn't matter what you told them they loved you, and you all just lived together and shared.
Well then you come back to Samford and things are different. It matters if you don't tell your best friends things but perhaps you talk about it with other people because of the nature of the information. As I recently dished to my lovely Aqua 08 office girls, I think I'll just put that paragraph here as it was in the email, because I don't know that I could say it as well as I did again....
"I'm pretty sure I'm being followed with cameras, and my life is really a hit TV show. Kind of like that movie with Jim Carey, I think it was the Truman Show. Anyways my life is much more dramatic, with a lot of awkward thrown in there. I always seem to be thrown into some awkward position. Or have some Drama in my life. I'm working on the name of my show, I'll let you know since you will all are becoming very important roles in this show. Although I'm pretty sure if it was a conspiracy, TV show where they are following me with cameras you'd all know the name of the show, as well as all the drama. haha. Along with the Drama there tends to be at least one funny story of the day, usually from and awkward moment, so you can look forward to those. I say all of this to lead into the finally of ways to you could pray
for me... Boy drama. haha, you should have known right. Its a really long, and strange story that I'm trying to process, and you can all get the full run down which I'm sure will be much better at training week... unless you really want it then I'll gladly share. But this is definitely an area I could use some intercession in, regarding wisdom and courage in some really difficult conversations that I have to have, as well as simply a peace as to what I'm supposed to do with
all of this."

I realize I haven't been so great at the relationships in my life, especially since I got back from London... they are so much harder here and there is so much school junk happening that I don't have a chance to catch my breath and work on all the relationships in my life. Also some of them I'm still trying to figure out, ever time I think I do something changes and I'm left baffled and really confused again.

I think later I'll get more of this out and clearly just lay out to my blog readers that are few and far between what is happening in my life. Maybe there will be some clarity when that happens.

But for now ... here we are.

Lots of little thoughts in the sea

2008-03-09T18:51:00.002Z

Do you ever have those days when you can't seem to escape the fact that big thoughts, lots of thoughts are just running through your head. Some times there are so many that you just can't seem do do anything but think about them, and let them consume you. I had one of those days on Friday night/Saturday. We had a Londonites Reunion, and along with thoughts about life and where my life is going, and what I want from life, were these memories and friendships and good times. All of this just kind of took over me. I couldn't help but let them consume me. Taking the amazing and sweet memories we had and thinking about how they changed me, and affected how I see the world right now.
The days of London seem so far away, they seem so much like a dream. I mean did I really get to do that.

Never need a reason if you Step in Time

2008-02-17T19:35:00.005Z

There are times in your life that you just want back. They were great, they were memories that you will tell your kids about and your grandkids, they will be the uphill in the snow with no shoes story, we all heard so many times. London was one of those times. I'm sure people are sick of the random stories that make no sense to them, but they all mean so much to me. For the past few weeks I have been participating in the phenomenon known as Step Sing at Samford. I love this time of year, maybe even more than Christmas.
Step Sing is one of those things that outsiders just don't understand, but it is what we live for. But with step sing I've also started back in classes on campus, and trying to live a life that I left behind for like 8 months. Trying to reconnect and find my place with friends I haven't seen or spent time with in 8 months, ichat just isn't the same. But also trying to find out where my london loves fit in my life. It has been an odd time of kind of being an outsider, you've got to see what your friends have been doing, and the fun they had while you were gone and try to fit back into that.
This weekend was the actual show for step sing, 3 weeks of practice displayed. But in this week of showing Samford a show we are so proud of and have poured ourselves into, its also the first chance since school started that you really have a chance to hang out with friends that are in other groups, this is somewhat impossible previously, with all the practice, school, and homework schedules. I got to hang out with my girls but I also got to hang out with the crew they've been hanging out with all fall. It was weird how well I felt I knew these people I'd just met, how tight we are... we've hung out like 3 times. One of them has been through this whole process before I did, so its been good to have someone know exactly what is going on, and to see they've made it through. But all of this to say, I think I've found my place back at Samford, yes I'd go back and live in the Daniel House in a heart beat. But I also wouldn't give these times up and the times I know are coming in our future for anything.
Its going to be interesting as the London group find out how to spend time together since some of us don't have the automatic see each other at practice but have also started to find out place back in the Samford world.

And I'd like to end this with I never thought I could love a group of 70 ladies so much. I <3 IL!!!!

Oh the Bliss of Painting....

2008-02-01T05:00:00.001Z

If that isn't happiness I don't know what is.

Step Sing is in full swing, I'm excited to learn our whole show and seeing it come together. I go through bitter sweet moments of wishing I was directing again and thanking Jesus I'm not.

Life at Samford, its weird... I see my London family some, and I'm working my way back into the lives of my friends I left behind in May. I'm trying to figure out balancing 16 hours that included the first half of my senior research, a job, step sing, and a social life. But being back more than anything makes it hard to believe London happened. Did some of the best months and times of my life really happen, has my semester abroad really come and gone. How is that possible? Am I seriously graduating in Dec and am supposed to know what I want to do with my life or have an idea of what I'm going to do after graduation.

2008-01-25T05:54:00.000Z

-School starts next week.
-Tomorrow has finally come, I can't tell you how long I've been looking forward to this day.
-Reunion is SWEET
-Step sing craziness stars this week. But I'm excited, I need my social life back. ;)
-With school starting that means I spend less time at work, which means less time with my babies, I'm sad about this. Friday is my last full day for a long time.
-I'm ready for my room to be put together and organized, I like it better that way.
-I'm feeling 'crafty' this is never a good sign.

the life that once was and is to come

2008-01-19T21:36:00.001Z

So I think weekly I'm going to post a picture of my awesome "life that once was" but hopefully is still "to come"

so this is life...

2008-01-19T06:20:00.000Z

I'm pretty sure any of you that were out there have long gone with my pathetic blogging skills and my internal debate is how I feel about this... a part of me says this is sad where has my public gone, but a larger part of me really likes it because it means i can put whatever I want up and most likely nobody is reading it and judging on your past participation levels it doesn't really matter because you won't comment.

I've now been in America for 1 month and 9 days. I can't believe it. It seems like it didn't happen, yet that it was a life time ago. And all I can find myself saying is "can I go back?"

My life these days basically consists of my walking class in the morning, yeah I just typed walking... and work, where I go on bear hunts, and am deprived of "cuddles". I'm trying to figure out my life in America, and get myself used to a schedule and a life that consists of running constantly from 8 to 5 or maybe even 11. I'll get there some day. It is my last week of Jan Term, and freedom, this is kinda scary. I am ready for people to come back and that life, only at the same time not. These are people I once knew and who once knew me, but is that still true? only time will tell. My return to America has shaken my world as I knew it slightly, which is a good thing but hard. I really am a different person now than when I left, and thats hard to step back into relationships with. Basically because of all of this relationships and life and people confuse me, this is fun... NOT!

Tonight I got pulled over by a cop for "yielding too much" whatever that means oh and going "under the speed limit". And because he realized that I had not broken a single law but he had pulled me over, I got a warning for not having my registration, this is because I had no idea what he was talking about I later found out this is a sticker on my car, so I did have it. So if I get pulled over in the next month I get a ticket because I got pulled over when I did not break a law and got a bogus warning. I also got a mini lecture on taking control and being in charge of the situation with a cop, because I told him he was making me nervous which is why I kept slowing down. I didn't want to get pulled over so I was trying to go the speed limit, which I wasn't positive on what it was. my life is awesome. my life is drama.

so I'm terrible at this get over it

2007-12-28T08:09:00.000Z

So I was told like a week ago that I needed to wrap up my travels blog, that people needed closure or something lame like that. ;) Well I'm just now getting around to doing it, but you still love me anyways.
Zürich was good, kinda lame. Really expensive, not a lot to do, but we had a good time. I left Zürich alone and headed back to London, which was a really weird feeling. I hated being separated from my group like that but at the same time was really excited to try doing something on my own. I left the hostel really early, got to the train station, and eventually got on a train headed toward the airport. I settled in for a good 40 min train ride like the hostel told me it would take to get to the airport... little did I know that 10 minutes later, I was at the airport and almost missed getting off. oopsie. Thanks nice lady sitting by me. Then I was really early for my flight, apparently they told me 40 minutes to the airport from the hostel... but I'd rather be really early than really close to late.
In London I went and saw all my favorites one last time. Got to see the tree at Trafalgar Square, that is donated by Norway. It was really cool, and huge. Saw the eye and Westminster area decorated. It was great. I went to the Original Hard Rock Cafe with Brittany and Crosson. Went and saw my favorite bridge one last time, and the Tower of London. Rode the tube for the last time.... lets just say it was an emotional few days. But sitting at Trafalgar one night, I realized that when a city like London become this much a part of you and you've spent this much time in it, you WILL be BACK. I can't not come back. So part of me when I hear home still things of the Daniel House. So leaving London was not good bye it was until next time or see ya later. which made it much easier to leave.
It took me about a week to be officially on schedule ... I woke up the Friday after I got back and was so excited that it wasn't 3 am. I've gotten to play with and love on my babies, see lots of people of I've missed, talk on the phone to people... thats weird. Life is going back to what I knew it as. SL drama, school, work, friends, babies... you know. And its weird to think that a few weeks ago I lived in London, Europe was a hop away. My responsibilities were to learn and travel and see all I could, not bills, and school, and job, and junk. Don't get me wrong I love being able to see people but I wish I could have my cake and eat it too.
I hope you all had a Happy Boxing Day.

Munich, Germany

2007-12-02T18:37:00.000Z

I'd like to start with the fact that the keyboards here are totally different and I am struggling with it.
We arrived today at about 1 and couldn't get into our rooms until two, which was fine because we were planning on dropping our stuff and going. We dropped our packs in the luggage room, and hopped on a train to Dochau. Dachau is where one of the first Nazi concentration camps was and is now a memorial. It was intense... but it's something I think everybody needs to see. We didn't make it through to everything, so that was a little upsetting but it was still really interesting.
Courtney walked out talking about how blessed we were to be free and that that would never happen and all that was running through my mind the whole time I went through was how fast it happened. And how easily it could happen again, we believe anything the media puts in front of us. Being in London and sitting in my British History class, I learned a lot about how we are taught History and their side of history. It's really interesting. This is a whole really long conversation to be had over some tea with a pastry... not me sitting in my hostel and you reading it. But seeing the concentration camp and being in Europe has put what I just learned about and saw pictures of as real and valid and life... I want to go back and read up on some history and learn more about the places and things I've seen.

Salzburg

2007-12-01T17:17:00.000Z

We've spent two lovely days in Salsburg. I love this town.
We've gotten to relax a lot and take life at a slower pace, which we've all really enjoyed. I can't believe tomorrow is Sunday and about a week from then this whole European adventure is over. I have loved it so much, I have loved my housemates so much. We have become a family and are already missing eachother terribly, while we travel. We've had the tell what you miss about each person, and the Daniel house, the imitations of people, you know the things you do when you miss the people you love.
But back to Salzburg. I got to do the sound of music tour, today which was really really neat. I loved getting to see things and they took us out of the city and into the mountains with the snow and all. We went to this tiny little lake town called Mondesse, It was charming. I loved the feel of it, and the people we met were all really nice.
Last night our roommates where a married couple from Korea and the husband's brother. We talked to them for a long time, despite the language gap we managed to communicate very well. They gave us these beautiful bookmarks, and it just kind make me think about how they prepared to meet people along the way and give them gifts. there is more to this story but its dinner time and I'm getting hungry. Let me just end with my new Korean friends taught me a lot and I will never forget them.
Home in minus 8 days and counting.... crazy..... what side of the road do they drive on in America? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Vienna

2007-11-27T15:23:00.000Z

Vienna is beautiful. I love it. It has snowed like 3 tims on us today which has been really fun. I have several stories I would love to tell you all right now other than the fact that the z and the y are switched on this keyboard and it is killing me. But I am running out of minutes and still have a few things I need to do.
love you and I will post more very soon.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-24T19:58:00.001Z

We had a little Thanksgiving feast here in the Daniel House, it was prepared by Elliot and Cassidy's Mums. It was great, we had one of our British History Professors and his wife and one of our neighbours. It was a great day, we got to take a day off from finals, but we did have to go to a concert and we had a final the next day.
We had lunch about 2, and after that we watched our group projects. The first day we got here we were divided into 3 teams of 6, and these teams have stuck for the semester. So we share a shelf in the fridge with your team, you do your group project with your team. Our group project was to make a movie/slideshow about the semester... sounds easy, but it means a lot of work, and most of it for one person. But we showed them today it was really fun, and great to be able to look back on all our memories together. I'm trying to load my group's on to Youtube so I can share it with you guys, because they mean a lot to us.
It was really weird to know that we had celebrated Thanksgiving, in a place that they don't celebrate it (thing about why we celebrate it). But really before anybody in the states celebrated it. We were having lunch as people were getting up to prepare your Thanksgiving feast. crazy I know.

travels ...

2007-11-24T16:58:00.000Z

Okay if you haven't read the last entry do it. its awesome. I'm working on uploading a video or two to my new Youtube account. They are my end of term projects, and I think they are awesome. Lets just say one of them is "flats" the London version of "Cribs". And gives you a look at the Daniel House, my home here in London.

They are both going to be promo video for Samford London Program recruiting.

Other than that. I leave tomorrow for my 2 week Travel Break.
We're heading to Vienna, Austria; Budapest, Hungary; Salzburg, Austria; Munich, Germany; and Zurich, Switzerland.
here is my Itinerary, and I'll try to update when I can:

Sunday November 25, 2007: Vienna, Austria – Wombat “the lounge”
- Flight: depart 11:05 arrive 14:35
Monday November 26, 2007: Vienna, Austria
Tuesday November 27, 2007: Vienna, Austria
Wednesday November 28, 2007: Budapest, Hungary
Thursday November 29, 2007: Budapest, Hungary
Friday November 30, 2007: Salzburg, Austria
Saturday December 1 2007: Salzburg, Austria
Sunday December 2 2007: Munich, Germany
Monday December 3 2007: Munich, Germany
Tuesday December 4 2007: Zurich, Switzerland
Wednesday December 5 2007: Zurich, Switzerland
Thursday December 6 2007: Zurich, Switzerland to London - Daniel House
-Flight: depart 10:30 arrive 11:20
Friday December 7 2007: London – Daniel House
Saturday December 8 2007: London – Daniel House
Sunday December 9 2007: London – Daniel House
Monday December 10 2007: London to USA – My Apartment

Do I have a story for you....

2007-11-22T03:00:00.000Z

Tonight we went to see Sound of Music. Which was incredible. So we just watched this great love story, it was awesome we are leaving Oxford Circus on a very happy note. We get to the tube station, and people are running all around us, so we figure we should run too. We run, as we arrive at the platform we realize why people were running, it was the last train of the night. So good thing we ran. We barely make it on some of us getting separated into different cars. It is packed in these cars and we are about to hit one of the busiest tube stops as our first stop. And its about the right time for all the people who just came out of their shows to get on the tube. Awesome.
So the tube becomes even more packed; I thought it was tight before we hit Leicester Square, but boy did I learn. I now have a man's armpit in my face, and I can't move, my arm is stuck up against my chest because I moved it at the wrong moment. In these moments on the tube you usually just don't look at anybody and don't talk about the awkward closeness. Well, we were waiting a few extra seconds to get people on since it was the last train... and these two very drunk ladies come up to our car, and start trying to push their way on. There is no way another 1 person much less 2 is getting in. They then stat yelling in between can you squeeze together anymore, "We're from South Africa. We just beat England in Rugby. World Champions." There is an audible groan through out the train, and any hint of wanting to be nice and try to let them on, was completely gone. Lets just say they didn't make it on.
My friend Brittany was on the tube with me and we were making faces at each other and commenting about the situation, and the girls . When all the sudden she just says to the guy behind me, "how you holding up back there" he is totally pushed up against the doors, and I am totally on top of him. I then apologize, and he just says, not like you can help it. We then had a great conversation with the guy. It was awesome. But the best part was after we got off the tube.
I'm just going to admit right now, he was SO attractive! Like I'm not kidding. And when we had to get off in my head I was going, can't we just go one more stop. And another confession, since we are on the topic of his attractiveness.... The whole time we are talking in my head I'm thinking, in the movies this would be when the main characters totally just start making out. This is how it happens. (I know we've watched a few too many romantic comedy movies this week while trying to get projects done.) And we were so close whilest we were talking that had the train jerked we totally would have kissed. I don't even know if you are getting the full picture of this.
Well we get off the train and we're walking to make it to the next one we have to get on to go home. Brittany start talking about the whole experience, how cute the guy was etc. We get off the tube at the Gloucester Road stop and are still talking about it. Only now we have moved to what we were thinking during the whole experience.... we totally both were thinking, about making out the whole time the conversation was happening. We would be.

It was a great night. Graham aka tube man come back to us. ;)

I just realized you totally could take this so wrong. Think packed tube. Think stressed out, sleep deprived. Think we've watched too many movies. It was totally a funny experience and I'm so glad we have this story now.

it is 1:17 in the Am and I am still awake.

2007-11-20T01:17:00.001Z

I can't really believe that I am still awake, but when I was trying to study last night I kept finding myself not really knowing what was going on and finding my head on my desk more than a few times, so despite the fact that it was like 9:45 I gave up and went to bed.... so I got lots of sleep last night... therefore I'm not tired now.

here is a snippet of the video I'm working on for our thanksgiving/ part of my final....
enjoy... and know that there is more where this came from.

The Harry Potter Holy Land

2007-11-18T20:11:00.000Z

Today I went to Oxford, England. I loved it, except for the constant rain and freezing temperature, I'm pretty sure some of the rain was solidifying or freezing by around 4 o'clock aka the time it was starting to get dark. But it really was a fun little town, basically the epitome of a college town, because there are 39 colleges that together make up Oxford University. It was a beautiful, homey little town.

Oxford is the home of writer C.S. Lewis, I have read a lot about Lewis the past few weeks because I wrote a paper about him. Anyways, there was a pub called the Eagle and Child that he and some of the other "fellows" he was friends with 'hung out' at. They liked to call it "The Bird and the Baby". We had lunch there and actually sat in the Rose room by the fire which is where Lewis and Tolkin would sit when they came in. It was SOOOOOOO good. Then we toured a few of the colleges, I loved them. All of the colleges are really small the biggest one has like 600 students and the smallest about 100; I think it would be really neat and really great for your education to be in such a small group to learn. You get so much more professor time, and smaller classes, you know all that jazz. One of my favorite Colleges, it might just be for the name, was 'Jesus College'; I almost got a pair of sweatpants that said Jesus on them... ha.

We toured Christ College, which is where they filmed a whole lot of stuff for HARRY POTTER! So I stood where in the first movie, the Philosopher/Sorcerer's Stone, Professor McGonagall welcomed the first years on the steps before entering the Great Hall. Where Neville lost his toad, and Malfoy told Harry if he knew what was good for him he'd want to be in Slytherin, and all the Characters that we love so much and have 'watched/read about them growing up' were standing out side the Great Hall wondering what was to come of the 7 years they were going to spend at Hogwarts. What house will everyone be, at this point we didn't even know what that really meant, not like we do now. Anyways, I stood there, I stood where the students would have been and also where McGonagall would have stood. It was pretty awesome. Don't believe me, look at the picture. Then we went into their dinning hall, which was used as the Great Hall for Harry Potter, you could so tell too. There are pictures all over the wall that they took down and made a new back ground behind where the professors sat. Also there was a lot of computer animation done to make it look bigger, but I was there.
I also got a Oxford Sweatshirt, and show sweatpants that will totally be great for Travel break in here in a few days. Which reminds me, I have 15 days and then I'm back in America. That is terrifying, exciting, and depressing all at the same time. I really can't believe it. But I've got 2 weeks in Central Europe before that and Finals. Lets just hope I make it through this week of exams, and term papers and packing.

Birthday week.

2007-11-10T18:02:00.000Z

Holidays have a tendency to jerk you into reality, that is when you aren't living in it.... if you are it might take you out of it. Anyways. This is birthday week, which I love and wish that it happened more than once a year, but its also about that time of the term and our time over here that we start to get home sick. I love London, and I'm going to get home, and 2 months later when the excitement of seeing everybody wears off I'm going to be crying myself to sleep because I miss it. But today especially I can't help but think what I would be doing if I was in B'ham. What would today have held?
I got up this morning and I had heard about this parade and I really wanted to go but I didn't think anyone was going, then I found out at the last minute a lot of people were going... but I wasn't ready... so I didn't get to go. And there were some fireworks tonight but no one else wanted to go, so I didn't push... you know I don't want to be that birthday girl. I did go to Borough Market, which is a food mark and AWESOME! and got a "Prim" at London's oldest pub and then went to china town got some way cheap but really sweet boots, and some Chinese. I spent most of the day with Katie, who I haven't gotten to spend a lot of time with, but I really enjoy when I do get to spend time with her.
I had a great day. There was some drama, but what would my life be with out drama right. I wouldn't know what to do! It has been a great reminder of a day that things do not always turn out as you thought they would.

Paris

2007-11-07T10:56:00.000Z

This past weekend we had a class trip to Paris. It was so much fun and so good to go as a big group. Also to have a place to stay and our transportation taken care of, all of our major worries when we travel were dealt with for us.

Its starting to hit me that I can say things like "when I was climbing the Eiffel tower" or "when we were at the Colosseum" or "I can't remember which language I'm speaking some times". We've learned so many little parts of languages to get us by as we travel, that we some times get confused with them. I'm not ready for this to be over. I don't want to leave. Sure I want to see people I love in the states, but I don't want to go back.

You never know how much you've changed until you go back home. I'm about to have the biggest culture shock of my life and realize how much I've changed in a few short months. Whats scary is that I know already that I've changed a lot, so I can't imagine how much it is really going to be. I'm about to walk away from living with 21 people, who yes drive me crazy some times, waking up and dragging myself downstairs for breakfast as we partially acknowledge each other and eat our cereal. To living with 1 person and a dog, I can't imagine what this is going to be like. From dumb class meetings where we discuss "community butter" to the life I used to know...kinda. From walking to the grocery store and to the tube to get places, to driving my car... on the right (i think) side of the road (I'm already realizing how confused I am about what side of the road cars drive on).

I don't have much time left here, but I will make the most of it. I get to celebrate my 22nd birthday in London ... on Saturday. that's awesome! But on the bright side I will be back, I have to come back. As a friend of mine told me "you're ruined now" I know what its like to live here, I'm love with London, the city and its people. I have an obsession with traveling, its rush for some of us. I know live on this side and life on the other will never be the same. I will be back... perhaps to live... (i know mum likes hearing that one;) )

This is The story of a Busker

2007-10-30T13:02:00.000Z

What is life of a busker like? I ask myself this question every time I see one while walking through the tube stations. Is this their only source of income, is it enough, how does this work? So many questions, there was only one way to answer them, So Courtney, Heather and I set out on a Journey to find a busker.
The first question to be answered is what is a busker; it is musician in British lingo. Most often they are found in the tube stations, because that is where all the people are, and in many of these stations there are great acoustics. So this is the story of a busker named Bobhi FM.
There is no telling how many buskers there are in London, but I they usually go to the same station frequently. I’ve seen Bobhi FM before in the Westminster tube stations so I was excited to get to talk to him. Bobhi does Reggae music, so most of the songs you will hear him singing when you pass him are Bob Marley cover songs. Bobhi was very gracious and let us have some of his time, and then played a song for us at the end.
One of the biggest things to be learned from Bobhi if you are seeking a career as a busker, is that you have to play cover songs. In Bobhi’s words “people want to hear stuff they know not my music.” Bobhi has 5 albums; playing cover songs doesn’t help him to sell his own music, which has cost him a fortune to create. Each album he makes costs him about 5,000 pounds to make.
Bobhi has been playing music for 32 years and he can play an array of instruments, from the acoustic guitar, bass guitar, keyboard, and several percussion instruments like the bongos. Bobhi has been playing music pretty much all of his life, he grew up playing it in school, and really enjoyed it.
Bobhi has had had several experiences all over the world and living in other places like Paris, France; Santa Monica, California; Jamaica, and Africa, but he calls London home. He used to work a 9 to 5 job as an administrative assistant, but that wasn’t quite paying the bills. So he started to play music in the tube stations, eventually the 9 to 5 job wasn’t fulfilling. He because relying solely on his music to provide his income, this is from being a busker and selling the 5 albums he has.
There is more to Bobhi than just music, he likes to travel, and read. He is actually in the process of writing a book that will tell about the life of a musician. Bobhi was a very interesting person and I hope to be able to talk to more buskers and learn more about their lives. Being able to talk to Bobhi and see him living out his life doing what he loves and surviving was great. Bobhi was incredibly nice and before we left him he gave us one of his albums, so now I can jam to the sweet tunes of Bobhi FM any time I want not just in the tube.
Bobhi will not remember meeting 3 girls on one random afternoon, but we will not soon forget the experience. Being able to look into the life of a real Londoner, to be able to understand what life was like for him just a little bit was a blessing to us. So next time you are walking through the tube station don’t just walk on past the person offering you the gift of their music, telling them they are great, you appreciate them, and support the arts. It is truly great that they are doing what they love and blessing us with their talents.

This is the story of a weekend.

2007-10-27T23:41:00.000+01:00

Well pretty much everyone stayed home this weekend. Recovering from fall break, sleep wise, homework wise, bank account wise, you know. Its been a good relaxing weekend. I haven't gotten a whole lot of work done, but I have gotten some, and there is still tomorrow.
This week we saw the Lord of the Rings musical, don't do it. It is horrible, the music is forgettable, the story is not an epic story... its just not right. This inspired Daniel House Lord of the Rings day today, in which I didn't technically participate, but I did in the fact that I didn't work a lot today.
We also got to see a great play called Rhinoceros. I really enjoyed this one, it was one of the ones we have to see for our British Theatre class, so you never know how it is going to go.
Basically this was a very Theatre filled week, because some of us also saw PHANTOM OF THE OPERA! Incredible. I had a terrible seat, couldn't see half of the show, but I still loved it. The music moved me to tears. I hope that I can go back, and get a better seat... it all depends on how the finances look ... which is lame.

We've all started talking about and looking into our last travel break, where we want to go, who we want to travel with, how we wanna do it. It made a lot of stuff surface from the last break, which is good and needed to happen. I think I might be able to make going to GREECE happen, which makes my heart so happy. I had a really good conversation with a girl I traveled with over fall break, and we have a better understanding of each other and I guess you could say the week. Lets just say 5 girls perhaps some over-dramatic-ness can equal a stressful week for all involved. I'm just saying.

I started watching all of this season of Grey's again, I mean this is in the last hour, but I really like this season.

Firenze, just when you think you are done...

2007-10-24T22:18:00.000+01:00

Monday morning after breakfast we headed off to the Duomo. Where we saw the dome made by Brunelleschi. The Duomo has the 3rd largest Nave in the world, right after St. Peter's in Rome and St. Paul's in London. We climbed the 463 steps to the tope of the dome for an incredible view of the city of Firenze.
After the Duomo we went to the Battistero (Baptistery) right beside the Duomo. We got to see the famous bronze doors which depict scenes from the Bible in exquisite detail. Inside the Battistero was not worth the 3 Euro we paid to get in, but what I got to witness was for me worth it. I walked in looked at the ceiling, and was almost about to walk right back out; when I caught a glimpse of one of the most precious moments ever. I saw a mom and her daughter sitting on the floor, the daughter laying on mom; the mom was pointing up at the ceiling and talking while the little girl stared in amazement and wonder. I was curious what she was saying so I stepped over in that area, sure I was going to hear some other language but hopeful I could pick some things out of it, I've been doing it all week. But to my amazement she was speaking in English, she was explaining the Bible stories that were depicted on the ceiling of the dome. I hadn't even noticed that there were Bible stories depicted. So I stood there and listened as this mom panel by panel explained the stories of Cain and Able, and Moses ... to her little girl. It was absolutely precious.

What a week!

2007-10-22T09:25:00.000+01:00

I am back in London, its a strange feeling. I learned a lot, feel in love with a beautiful country, and can't wait to go back. I think this post shall be in list form, there is far too much to put into one post so it will probably be an on going list for a few days.

1. Not having a map when you enter a city and then start walking around isn't a good idea, especially when you don't speak the same language as everybody else.

2. Always pick your tour guide based on how cute he is opposed to how well he speaks English, we lucked out and got both but I'm just saying.

3. The Sistine chapel is so much more impressive when you see it in person than in reprints. Its also much cooler when you have walked through the Vatican and seen some of the places he got his inspiration from. When you go if you take a tour of the Vatican Museum first walk all the way through to the big wooden doors on the opposite side of the room where you enter, don't look up. This anticipation is very similar to waiting for Christmas as a small child. Once you get to the door, turn around and look. This is the way it is meant to be seen, in order and the correct. Incredible.

4. Michaelangelo was an incredible sculptor, oh my gosh. We'll come back to this.

5. I was blessed by the pope. Yeah you read that right.

6. The pope has got to be brilliant, he spoke in like 7 different languages.

7. Leaving the house at 4 am usually means its going to be a rough start to the week for all involved, but you get over it quickly, especially with some caffeine.

8. You never know where you are going to make friends and from where all they will be. We met a lot of Australians that liked to say "wicked", a ton of people from Ohio, a precious couple on their honeymoon from California, and some Texans. Some of the best things we did included getting to know people whether in our tour groups or waiting to hear the pope or at the Trevi Fountain.

9. See the Trevi in the day time and at night. (thanks Rachie) I prefer it at night.

10. Don't be fooled by fruit vendors wanting you to pay 10 euro for a kilo of grapes, thats dumb.

11. Don't buy a Eurail, you can get rail tickets for cheap just at the desk. Although the Eurail is convenient.

12. Always buy gelato from vendors that have guys selling it... they give you more.

13. Stay off main streets in Italy, its so much prettier and you find amazing things. like great restaurants and cheap gelato.

14. You know those guys dressed as Gladiators all around Rome, that want you to pay to take a picture with them.... do it. It is so much fun, and those are some of my favorite pictures.

15. When you don't think you are going to run into the other 10 people in your class in Rome you will do it all the time. We ran into a group of them 2 in rome, and the other like twice in other places. awesome.

I shall continue later. ;)

It's a Italy!

2007-10-16T07:15:00.001+01:00

I'm in Italy. its great. I love you all.
we left rome 2 days ago and are in florence or firenze and leave here tomorrow morning. We'll go to Pissa for a few hours and see the leaning tower, then on to cinque terre. And end in Venice.

I'll post about it all when I get back to London. But let me just say I get to hang out with 'david' today. if you don' t know what that is google michelangelo's david and then you'll remember.

;)

Welcome to life.... Here and NOW!

2007-10-11T21:40:00.000+01:00

This isn't practice. This isn't rehearsal. This is it.

It seems like a life time ago that camp happened. So much has happened between now and then, but it feels like I just got to London. But in fact camp ended some 61 days ago and I've been in London for 46 days. How is that possible. Where did those days go? In about 30 days I'll be 22. In a mere 60ish days I'll be back in America. WHAT?!?!?! how is that possible? some days it seems like it will never come, they days I want to be sitting on my couch, with Maggie, Brookles, and Lins watching Center Stage and Grey's, talking about Stepsing, and going to SL and playing with some babies. And there are days that I think, I'm a 10 minute tube ride from any thing I could ever want to do, see a play/musical, sure there are like 18 million going on all around me. There are days when I think Dec 2008 can't come soon enough, and then I realize I only get to do this once, and Grad school isn't college, it's almost over, what am I going to do with my life? Never again, most likely, will I live in this great of a place, despite its quirks and drama. I am a tube ride away from 'the pulse of the world', I'm in a safe and very clean area of London; I'll never get this again. Sure school and all the writing get overwhelming, but I'm in London whatever.

I've just been thinking about all that today.

I'm going Italy, I leave the house in 5.5 hours. OH MY GOSH.
I'm going to see this,
and some other really cool stuff in Rome
and then I'm going to see this
and the statue of David in Florence
and then I'm going to see this,
in Pisa
and then spend a few days here,
the beautiful Cinque Terre
and then end it all riding one of these....
in Venice.

and I will ride on one of these too...

alright now that I think you are sufficiently jealous. I expect to come back to a plethora of comments. Bring your friends... it will be great. I know good stories are about to come of this week... we don't speak the same language ... it's going to be GREAT!

2007-10-08T00:53:00.000+01:00

there wasn't an outcry for the finishing of that last story, so that and the fact that it has been a busy week ... means I never finished it. If you want the rest ask. I'll tell you.

Few things are going on in the world of Tiffany,

1) one week until fall break... 4 days of class and then I'll be in Italy.
2) Midterms... enough said.
3) His Grace is sufficient for me.
4) We went on a walk around SW1, (an area of London) also known as Westminster City, with a friend of mine's boss today. It was great. He is so knowledgeable. It was good to connect the dots that are the tube stations I know how to get around with but to get to walk it above ground is so much better. I think I'm going to go walk that route again, it was a very historic and beautiful area. It includes, Buckingham Palace, Parliament building, Westminster Abbey, Westminster Choir school, a very famous "Public" (what we'd call private) school the school that Andrew Lloyd Webber and the man who wrote Winnie the Pooh A.A. Milne, Trafalgar Square.
5) He picked out a book for each of the 5 of us who went on the walk. He picked the books based on our major and what we had talked about in the first hour of the walk, we all looked at them later this afternoon... he did an excellent job, they all fit perfectly.
6) This man knowns Margret Thatcher, and she might be coming to a few events his company is throwing including a private birthday party... we've been invited and promised to be introduced and get a picture with her. INCREDIBLE.
He knows all these awesome people, like the presidents of random places. He took us to lunch after the walk and we got to talk a lot about it. Awesome!
7) Did I mention next week is fall break, and this week is midterms. I'm only slightly stressed.
8) ITALY! if you've been you should tell us things not to miss and things we can skip! it would be greatly appreciated.

Ps 62

2007-10-08T00:51:00.000+01:00

My soul finds rest in God Alone;
My salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

...

Trust him at all times,
pour out your heart to him,
for God is our Refuge.

...

You, O God are
Strong.
You, O Lord, are
Loving.

Matthew

2007-10-08T00:45:00.000+01:00

I was in search of treasure;
searching the field for pleasure.
Sifting from gold and silver
and I found much there.
I was in search of fine pearls.
I was in search of gaining the world.
Drinking from cisterns broken.
I saw you and sold it all.

I could gain the world
oh but lose my soul.
I could gain the whole wide world
oh but what would it matter
I'd give the world to be with you.

Tell me why would I hold on to anything but you?

A Journey to a Cab

2007-10-01T01:55:00.001+01:00

Well, I am feeling much better as hard as it was, going to bed early was the way to go. Momma Moya, aka one of our professors and basically the mom of the 18 of us, convinced me not to hang out last night but to just go to bed and get lots of sleep. So I did. I’m feeling better but I’m also taking like 1000mg of Vitamin C a day, so that’s got to be doing something for me.
As promised here is a little up date. Mainly I want to let all of you in on my travels to Northern Ireland. I think I’ve worked out the issues and all my pictures are now up at tiffanyjallen.shutterfly.com, let me know if they are not. I think its been messed up for a while so there are also ones from our class trip to Stonehenge and Bath. But the ones for the trip in which I am discussing now are in the album appropriately entitled ‘Northern Ireland’ clever I know.

And now … A Journey to a Cab….
The weekend started off when my alarm went of at 2:30 am on Friday September 21. I dressed, brushed my teeth, and went down for a quick bite of breakfast, taking my pack the 99 stairs down. We had called the cab company the night before but to book early meant an extra charge, we don’t play that game, so we called 20 minutes before we needed the cab (like they told us to). Jenny and I were calling and got disconnected a couple of times and then told there was no one in our area, and it would be like 45 minutes at the least before some one got over here, only problem is we didn’t have 45 minutes our train left at 4:05 and its already after 3:00. And it is about a 30-minute cab ride to where our train was. At this point we are panicking, slightly. And at this moment I realized I had forgotten to print my conformation numbers off, so I run downstairs and print them really fast and head back up. Heather our third travel buddy, has not surfaced out of her room and we are standing by the door, packs on ready to go. So I run up, to tell her to come on and make sure she is awake. She is, she is coming. So we start walking, hoping that there would be a cab at the Holiday Inn across the street, or they could get one quicker. As we walked up to the Holiday Inn, with a completely empty lot, were starting to realize not many people will be arriving or leaving at this time of night/morning, what were we thinking. And now the panic has set in. What are we going to do. Jenny and I are about to call the 2 cab companies again, I reach into the pocket where my phone should be, its not there… but here comes a cab, it’s a miracle. We start to hop in, and it is confirmed I have left my phone, and sheets with confirmation numbers on the table right by the door. We don’t have time to go back, we can’t let this taxi go and hope for another because there most likely won’t be another, but we can’t sit here and think or me run back because the meter is ticking away. I say lets go, we’ll figure it out when we get to the station.
The cab driver gets us to the Victoria Station in about 17 minutes, perfect. So we go in, start trying to get tickets, at the ‘quick ticket’ machine, I learn I have to have my confirmation number to get my ticket. The train leaves in like 20 minutes. So I run to the counter and tell the guy my problem, and very nicely he explains to me my only option is to buy another one. But then as I’m like okay that’s my only choice, as I’m telling him what train I want my ticket for… he says, “that doesn’t exist.” Jenny walks up shows him her ticket and says then why do I have a ticket. Well, we learn we need to be at Liverpool Station!!!! Not kidding. The guy behind the desk offers his advice to the horrific faces I’m sure we are showing him. “The train is slightly delayed, it will be 4:30 before it departs, so you’ve got a little time. Go get a cab, take it to Liverpool, once there, where the pay phones are there should be one that looks a little different, pay a pound and you can check your email, and get your confirmation numbers.” So we’re off. We get a cab, it has a precious old man, who is going to get us there asap. About halfway to Liverpool Jenny starts asking us to roll down the window, then we have to pull over. She is throwing up out side of the cab, and the meter is ticking, the time is ticking. She gets back in and we speed off.
Once at Liverpool Station, it was slightly complicated to get in, the main entrance was locked, and you had to go in a side entrance. Once we figured that out, the first thing we see is the thing for the internet. I put in my pound and get my train confirmation number but I can’t get my flight one to open. So we decide worst case after the hour train ride its 5:30ish, if I’ve got to have that number we call someone, wake them up and have them look at it and tell me. I get my train ticket, and we run to the train. Its sitting there, after about 10 minutes we can get on. We sit on the train for about 25 minutes not moving. Its not about 4:45, a train that 2 days prior was leaving at 4:05, then at 4:25, has not left yet. We start moving. Thankfully, we’re on our way on the Stansted Express to Stansted Airport.
It turns out it was a huge blessing that I left my confirmation number behind, and at that moment my cell, because we would have called another cab had I had it on me, and who knows where we’d be. And if I’d had my confirmation number it would have been a lot longer before we realized we were at the wrong station. Who knows what would have happened then.

Okay I think that is enough for tonight, which is a shame because there is so much more to tell you. But I’ll post it tomorrow, I promise.

Pathetic

2007-09-29T21:28:00.000+01:00

So I know I haven't updated in a while and there is no excuse good enough. But I had intended today, after we returned from Brighton, to update all of you; however, my stomach had different plans, and didn't let me know about them.

So in short I hopefully will have a real update for you tomorrow. But for now, I think I might be getting sick, so just pray for some wellness on the Daniel House, sickness is not what we need right now, 2 weeks before fall break and midterms.

love you

Arm Bites just aren't appreciated...

2007-09-19T13:58:00.000+01:00

So I've hit a place where I sincerely miss those Aqua hugs and arm bits and laughs and tears and love; where I truly long to see the faces of my bffs. To hear a small child attempt to say my name while running to give me a huge hug is a dream. Aka I’m realizing how much I appreciate my friends and the family I have constantly surrounding me in Birmingham life and the fun times that we have.

We’ve manage to have some one send us a copy of the last 2 Crimsons (that’s the campus paper for those of you not in on Samford ling). Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, its reminding us of the life going on with out us, of our friends and lives we put on pause to come here. Don’t miss understand this, I’m so glad I’m here, and I’m loving every minute, I would not trade this for anything. But as we are settling in here, and finally in a routine of life, we’re also at the point where we’re getting to experience a rollercoaster of emotions together. And that makes life fun and emotional or something like that.

In the Crimson there is a new column dedicated to seniors, and its hitting home the reality that I’m about to have to leave the Samford Community I love and cherish, and enter the real world. Where you have to get into and go to grad school, have a real job, pay bills, and life your life with out class and committee meetings and dinner on the dirt, or random Samford parites, late nights discussing life.

I am now off to go people watch at Trafalgar Square and hopefully take some fun pictures. I’m heading to Northern Ireland this weekend, it will be great to get out of London and away from the house for a few days.

A day out of the city

2007-09-17T20:49:00.000+01:00

Life has been great. Really busy, but I can't complain about it. I've gotten to go a lot of places, see a lot of things and call it homework.
This weekend we took a class trip to Stonehenge and Bath. It was a great day out. We left the fast pace of the city really early Saturday morning, and came back with plenty of time to go and do when we came back Saturday evening.
Here are some pictures from Stonehenge. Its incredible to think that this structure has been there since around 3100 BC.

there's more where that came from as well as pictures from bath at.... tiffanyjallen.shutterfly.com

2007-09-16T23:11:00.001+01:00

New pictures at
tiffanyjallen.shutterfly.com

I promise a new update this week.

Don't be jealous...

2007-09-11T17:59:00.000+01:00

Don't hate me, I took this...

yes that is Orlando Bloom and yes he is looking right at me, and yes I am that close. I told you not to hate ;). The rest of these are some pictures from the night we went to see 'In Celebration' - which Orlando was in. The first is at Trafalgar Square, the second a billboard in Trafalgar Square and the third me in front of the poster at Duke of Yorks Theatre

History in the Making

2007-09-02T23:01:00.000+01:00

After all that I forgot about my favorite part, but its probably best because that was a long post. I apologize and applaud anyone who made it through.

Last Friday marked the 10th anniversary of the death of Princess Diana. My scavenger hunt group, happened to have an assignment right by Kensington Park, which is were Kensington Palace is, which was the home of Princess Diana. So we went by for a bit. I'm so glad we did.

Upon arriving at the palace it was packed with people celebrating the life the Princess had and the impact she made on this city, this country and the world. As we walked up to the palace there was a priest leading a prayer service, so we joined that and then continued on. We walked past the pictures, poems, notes, and flowers all upon the gates of Kensington Palace. Watching a precious little girl place some flowers near the gates, and walked into the palace courtyard. Where we noticed a table with people surrounding it, obviously we checked it out. At this table people were taking these metal flowers and putting a gold leafing on them, and then taking them and putting them on a metal rod, and taking that and putting it on a giant ball composed of lots of them, these balls of lots of golden flowers (10 in total) are then put in the yard around Kensington Palace as a gift and sign of remembrance and gratitude to the Princess of Wales. Then a lady asked if we'd like to make one, of course arts and crafts area always an option in my book.

They are a beautiful decoration, and it was amazing that I got to be part of something so special.

Here are a few pictures of the newspaper articles from that day (notice the man leading a prayer and the little girl placing flowers on the gate, sound familiar). I've got more so be looking at tiffanyjallen.shutterfly.com to check them and all of my pictures out.

God Save the Queen

2007-09-02T21:05:00.000+01:00

It has been one week exactly since I arrived at the airport in Atlanta and sat and got to know my 17 housemates and prepared to get on a plane and fly to another country. We sat in circles in the airport and talked of what we expected, and how we thought life would be. We wondered what we'd do when we arrived, what the house would look like, how it was going to work. And here we are a week later, calling the Daniel House home, getting around the city with such ease, knowing what stops are on what tube line, and the order of several of them. The general idea of where things are around us. We have a confidence to branch out into London and explore on our own or in small groups. Sitting around and discussing British History with each other and our professors. We've come so far and learned so much in a week. It is amazing and such a great opportunity, that I'm so thankful I've been given the chance to be a part of.

The weather has been amazing. I'm adjusting to the cooler weather which is great, because its about to get even colder. Well I think today I shall do thinks a little backwards. Start with today and try to take you back to where I left off in my last post. Theoretically things shall calm down a bit, and I won't have as jam packed posts and be scrambling to even post, they might even be read over again after I type them, amazing ;) .

Today, we had a later start to our day, which was really nice. We walked to church this morning, it was a really great little walk and we got to see more of the area that we live in. But I did learn one thing early on, I did not bring the right dress shoes. OH MY GOSH! I ended up walking back to the house barefoot because I got so many blisters on the way to church, it wasn't pretty. But lets get back the the better part of this post. We went to Holy Trinity Brompton this morning as a group. It was so beautiful. It was built in the 1820's, and by just looking around the walls you could see the great history of this community. Now a cool aspect that made many of us feel very at home, was the worship leader.... Tim Hughes; who has written many of the classic Christian worship songs, many of which you probably sang today in your service you attended. It was so great to be in a familiar atmosphere, attending the service here was so much like what a lot of us are used to, yet at the same time so different. This church has a clear passion for social justice, the poor and the hurting, as well as those wanting to help, those seeking, and those who don't know where they are in life. It was great to be in an environment that shared my passion for social justice and the poor and to see them acting on it, inviting me along. Another wonderful thing that today brought for a lot of our house was sense of not being alone, let me explain. We have had several conversations feeling as if we are walking in a lots city, a city surrounded by God and with so much of our Christian heritage happened right here. Yet it seemed, because we were just passing face after face after face, that none of them cared, none of them realized the beautiful things surrounding them were created by and for God, the praises the flowers in the park were singing out to God. But today, as we walked into a church, filled with people that loved Jesus, all of this shattered to pieces, it was such a blessing to be able to stand in a room of people worshiping, to worship alongside of strangers yet know we had a special bond. The people at this church were so nice, we met several people that pored so much into us in a matter of a 10 minute conversation. We found out about some ways we can get involved at this church and connected with other college students in London. As a house we are all so pumped and ready for all of this to begin. It was a great morning.
The rest of the day was very chill and wonderful. We went out and spent a little time just looking in shops we'd passed for days and been unable to go in. Then came back and took a nap! I still am so jet lagged and not adjusted to this schedule, but I was also slightly sleep deprived before we left. I think in about a week we'll get it down.

Okay and to quickly fill you in on the other 2 days, on the second day of our London Pass, which I mentioned last time, my group headed out to Windsor Castle, and Hampton Court Palace.
Windsor Castle is one of the official residences of The Queen and the largest occupied castle in the world. A Royal home and fortress for over 900 years, the Castle remains a working palace today. I believe it was built around 1070, and is located right by the river Thames, in the town of Eaton, which is precious. The castle is home to St. George's Chapel, which is beautiful and contains a lot of medieval architecture, I look forward to hopefully going out there for a service when their choir is there, which is I hear is amazing. Several former Kings and Queens were married, buried, or born here. In St. George's there is a display that shows the crests and flags of the current Knights and the crests of every former Knight. One really cool thing we got to see in our visit out here was Queen Mary's Doll house. This doll house made in the 1920's is incredible. The plumbing and electricity actually work! In the King's bathroom, the counter top is made of real marble. This doll house which was a gift from the nation to Queen Mary for her birthday, was made to show the best of English arts, crafts and manufacturing. This doll house is incredible, if you ever get the chance, go see it. I found some pictures to show you the incredibleness of this doll house. We also got to see the changing of the guards at Windsor Castle.

The first picture is the Butler's Pantry, complete with real china and a tiny jar of mustard that they really used in the 1920's. The second picture is the day Nursery, with a toy train and play stage, the next picture is the library. The fourth picture is the north hall, which shows the staircase and side rooms. Then the fifth picture is the queens bedroom, the ceiling is painted by a famous artist of the time like the ceilings of most rooms in the palaces for real.
The house also had a working miniature electric vacuum, which was a big deal when the house was built. The sixth picture shows the doll house with the sides pulled down and where it just looks like a house; and the seventh shows one of the sides, with the dinning hall

After Windsor Castle, we hopped a train, the tube and a bus, and headed to Hampton Court. Hampton Court was the home of Henry the VIII. Hampton Court was built in 1814, and is was his main residence. The interior of this palace was not as ornate as many of the ones we had seen in previous days, it was beautiful, just a little calmer. There was a maze that we traveled through and had a lot of fun in, met some interesting people that decided we knew what we were doing and followed us everywhere we went through the maze. We got to see what the Tudor kitchens looked like and travel through the original kitchen. Another really great part of this palace was that it wasn't over crowed with tourists, which was lovely. We were able to walk at our own pace, and not feel like we were engulfed in a crowd. There were some amazing gardens and areas surrounding the palace. We also got to see the royal tennis courts, and some guys playing on it which I could have clearly beat. But it was really cool.

I think that catches you up to date. On Friday we did a scavenger hunt and familiarized ourselves with getting around town, and not just relying on the tube but learning to use our maps and navigate the crazy streets of London. We found some really cool things like the paperchase store, they make amazing journals, and stationary and such; and we found a place with really cheap pizza.

Until next time, Cheers!

Days Packed Full of AWESOME

2007-08-30T22:25:00.000+01:00

Well here we are it is the end of Thursday and I have yet to post of I think the last 3 days, I do apologize. It has been quite busy. And now I believe I am prepared to tell you and show you a bit of it.
We will start with Tuesday our first full day here. We started our day with a visit to BUCKINGHAM PALACE.
It was so beautiful and a whole lot of fun. I learned so much here and upon leaving really wanted to learn as much of British History that I could. I felt so inadequate not knowing some things and was quite proud when I did know other things. After Buckingham Palace a small group of us went to Piccadilly Circus, had a bite of lunch and walked around. Researched prices on some theatre tickets, you know the important things in life. After Lunch, we took a tube and went to Parliament. It was AMAZING. I loved it. We are so fortunate that Parliament will be in session while we are here and I believe that I will actually get to go and sit in on a few sessions. But I thought that I couldn’t learn enough about history fast enough at Buckingham Palace, this was so great. Made me want to come back to the house and get a book and hop on the tube immediately. I love, love, loved it. We had a great tour guide and a really small group; our tour guide, Liz, spent lots of extra time telling us more information than she had to answering questions and making sure we got to see everything, and see it well.
It does seem like weeks ago that we visited Buckingham Palace and Parliament, but it was 2 days ago, there is so much that we did and I still have yet to tell you. Its difficult to remember it all, most places we weren’t allowed to take pictures so its all in our head and all running together.
After this we hoped on the tube again and went exploring our new home. We went up to the Tower Bridge Area. Walked around took pictures of the Tower Bridge, the Tower of London, and many other things in the area. There was a part of a wall that was used by the Romans, I believe as a protection wall before people got to their fort, but I could be wrong. I do know it was used by Romans, and therefore is really old. It was a beautiful area and I look forward to spending lots of time up there. We later found a great little place for dinner, and got really cheap chicken (or fish) and chips.

For the past 2 days we have had this thing called a London Pass, where we paid some random fee for it and then we get in all these places for free. So we have been running around like crazy trying to do and see all that we could for free while we can.
On Wednesday, we went to St. Paul’s Cathedral which has been there since 604 AD, and this is where Princess Diana and Charles, Prince of Wales got married, as well as many other significant things happened here. We sat on the steps and watched the city for a while and took in our amazing surroundings. We then went in, and walked around; spend a little time in the crypt, which honestly, probably would have been much cooler if we were Catholic, we did see the tomb of Sir Christopher Wren, who built St. Paul’s so that was awesome and then today on our way to another location we saw his house. After the Crypt, we made our way up 530 steps or 280 ft high. And got a great look over the city of London, as well as over the Cathedral at the whispering gallery, which was only like 400 steps up. It was incredible. Here are some pictures ...

(can anyone tell me how to rotate these so you can see them right, everything on my computer has them rotated right but its not working.)

After St. Paul’s, we made our way to the Tower of London, this time to go in. The Tower of London, built I think around 1066 by William the Conqueror, well the white tower part. This site is incredible, it has been worked on by so many different people, and has so many different parts and roles in English history. When just looking at the site itself you can easily tell that it was not all completed at one time. Some buildings look completely different from each other. It really is basically its own little city. There are some really amazing things there currently as well as the awe of how long this structure has been around and who all has been there, lived there, been tortured there, imprisoned there, etc. Currently the Tower of London is the home of the Crown Jewels, and I got to see them. We went through several times and got some very good looks at the 2 largest diamonds in the world; the largest diamond, which is 530 Carrots, it was huge, and beautiful, and amazing. You just couldn’t believe it as your went past on the moving sidewalk. There was a great exhibit on torture where we had a great discussion with an Englishman about torturing prisoners. You could also see the weapons and statues of the horses of the Kings and Queens and their armor.

After several hours at the Tower of London, we headed over to the Tower Bridge. The Tower Bridge has been there since 1894, and was one of my favorite things to just sit and look at, maybe because I actually could. We got to go up inside the tower and walk across the bridge, which gave us a magnificent view of the city of London. We also got to visit the Engine Room and see how the bridge used be drawn up and down.

I think this is long enough so I will tell you of today later, for I have to get some sleep some time.

As I look back at pictures it doesn’t seem real. We really saw all of this and experienced it and we still have weeks left to do more. I have so many more pictures but its taking so long to load them. I'm working on somewhere for those of you who don't have facebook to look at pictures and I'll let you know where that is when it happens.

An adventure that seems like it started this morning yet so long ago.

2007-08-28T22:12:00.000+01:00

Some pictures taken while driving from the Airport to our House.

Well this is a day late but I didn't have internet yesterday... so here it is....

I can’t believe it really happened; that I’m really here.

We have arrived and spent our first day in London, our new home. This is crazy. As we walked the streets, learned to shop in the grocery store and learned about the tube in our new home the feeling was all too unreal. We got on a plane in Georgia, at what seemed like this morning; in all actuality this day has been going on for 48 hours.

This little adventure has already taken me on a rollercoaster, I can’t imagine what is next; from 7 am on the 26th when I could sleep no longer and hand only slept for about 4 hours, to 11 am when Brooke and I departed our apartment, to about 12 when we realized there was a time change between Birmingham and Georgia, that we had totally forgotten about, to arriving at the airport my friend driving off and me figuring out what line to get in to check in, one bag being 4 lbs over weight and me having to rearrange my packing situation, to the check-in lady losing my passport for the worst 10 (seemed a whole lot longer) minute span of my life, to meeting all my classmates/housemates/travel buddies/ new friends, and going through security with a few of them, to sitting in the airport wondering if they’d really let us take of. I think that pretty much all of my group was convinced that something was going to happen and we wouldn’t get to go, so the arrival this morning was quite an exciting time on the plane this morning. There was an hour and a half delay to taking off while sitting in the plane because of storms, an 8-hour flight that included great movies and great times but not much sleep. Then came the landing in our new home and hoping we didn’t screw something up at customs and not be allowed in. There was a 30 minute bus ride where we got to see and learn a lot about London, and mostly admire the new world surrounding us. There was the arrival the Daniel House, and walking into our new room for the first time, obviously the nice boys carried our luggage up the stairs for us at some point in this. There was an issuing of our new cell phones, and an exchange of numbers with each other. Our first meal in London, and the real fun began. We went and bought oyster cards or Tube and Bus passes, had our first shopping experience and lesson, came back and had about 30 minutes to get a few things settled in our rooms. Then off again we went. Armed with our cameras, “buddies”, oyster cards and tube maps we set off, all we knew was what line we were getting on and where we were getting off, well and where we started. We got a few blocks from the tube stop and were sent out, told to make our way back to the house by 5 for dinner, this was about an hour and a half away. That’s it, no experts, no one who has done it, just us. It was great. We walked a lot; talked a lot; saw a bunch of stuff, and random people doing random things. Sat and people watched in Leicester Square, shopped a little and bought some very cute scarves to being fitting in with the Europeans, as if our shoes didn’t give us away enough. But we did it, figured out some connections and stops we could walk between so we don’t waste tube money, and we made it back with 20 minutes to spare.
And here I am all unpacked, still debating if I’ve packed too much or too little.

It has been a great day, a long day, basically 3 wrapped into one. I think in the past 3 days I’ve slept maybe 4 to 5 hours total but I am still awake and trying to keep myself up a little while longer so I can adjust to the time change.

I love you all and I want to hear how the first days of school went and life in your world.

And yes Kristina, we were here in time for this and actually a large part of our group was at it. http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070826/en_nm/britain_carnival_dc;_ylt=AiMmezVnYG7981QEC8oO9iADW7oF

Here we go...

2007-08-26T04:54:00.001+01:00

Well, I'm all packed, not as lightly as I'd liked to have been but I can't seem to make myself cut anything out. I'll send stuff back if I need to. Whatever. I'm looking at my pretty pink suite case and my blue hiking backpack and my duffel/carry-on all sitting together... all ready to go. It still doesn't seem like its going to happen. Like at any point before I get on the plane something is going to happen and I'm not going to get to go. And at this moment I don't know how I'd feel about that, disappointed of course, slightly okay with it. I mean I'd get to stay here and not miss being involved in the lives of all those I love. It's going to be great, I know. Its just hard to know what I'm going to miss. It is easy to leave in the summer and go to camp, everyone is gone, everyone else is going to camp or wherever. But leaving in August, when we just moved into an apartment, everyone is moving into their new apartments, or their dorm rooms. Talking about 'dinner on the dirt' and gearing up for stepsing, classes starting on Monday and the bookstore. Its all lame to sit here and think about, but I am. I know its going to be the semester of my life, and I have one more fall at Samford ahead of me. Its just all running through my head.

My Amazing roommate threw a "themed party" tonight. What was the theme you ask? Well it was London/traveling in Europe. We ate food they eat in London, drank tea and wine from Spain, had something else from France. It was great. Watched a movie about London. It was great. I got to see a lot of my friends and just get to sit and hang out. I loved it and it was a good way to get to say 'see ya later'.

So in a matter of hours, theoretically, I'll be boarding a plane and flying over the pond. And my next post shall be from LONDON, UK!

Hot Pink

2007-08-24T22:26:00.000+01:00

Welcome all, I leave Sunday to head to LONDON! This is just a page for me to update all of you on my life. Humorous things that happen to me because lets be honest we all know they will. Pictures with my awesome new camera that I'm still learning to use, and keeping in contact with the world. I would love to get comments from you, emails and know what is going on in each of your lives. But this here is my gift to you, my embarrassment wrapped up and tied with a bow just for you!

If you were wondering my email is tdallen1@samford.edu; just in case you didn't have it.

I know we were all sitting on the edge of our seats constantly wondering, "will Tiffany's new luggage arrive in time for her to use it or is life already going to get interesting. Well, I was at the mall today and guess what it is here and it is bright and beautiful. So be nervous no more the packing will commence, well probably not until late because I don't want to right now.

So here we are. I send my love to you through this and you can send your love in comments. ;)